Your Stories
Ever wonder how many people have herpes?
Here are some powerful stories shared by women with herpes from all around the world.
Would you like to educate, inspire and empower other women with herpes? If so, I need your help. Most women with herpes feel all alone and many are screaming in silence.
The first step in your healing journey is to share your story. Pink Tent allows you to remain anonymous, if you choose. By doing so, you are standing in your power so others can stand in theirs. Pink Tent is shining a bright light on herpes, sparking conversation and empowering women to live, love and thrive.
When you join our Pink Tent community, you will gain access to share your story. (Story submission is NOT a requirement).
I’m 18 years old and was diagnosed with genital herpes just yesterday. My outbreak started a few days ago, and I thought it was a yeast infection at first because that’s the only sort of issue I’ve ever had down there. However, the problem got worse and worse and I quickly began to notice extremely painful blisters popping up. I looked up my symptoms on Google and was shocked to see that I matched the symptoms of herpes perfectly. So, for a few days I was in total panic mode, frequently waking up in the middle of the night and constantly feeling nauseous with anxious. I was convinced that I had herpes before I even scheduled an appointment with my doctor. Yesterday, I finally got in to see her and she confirmed that what I have looks like genital herpes and sent me off with a prescription of Valtrex.
I feel like most people are supposed to cry or feel that their lives are over when they receive a diagnosis like this, but that’s not how I reacted at all. I guess it’s because I got all of the panicking out of my system before the appointment, but once I received the diagnosis I was just relieved to finally know for sure what was going on because that meant I could start dealing with the situation and move on with my life. To anyone else who was newly diagnosed and is completely freaking out: the way I see it, herpes is only as big a deal as you make it. In my eyes, it is NOT a big deal at all.
My view is that I’ll carry this virus with me for life, but it’s going to be nothing more than a slight inconvenience at times. Yes, outbreaks suck (I’m currently lying in bed in the one position I can find that doesn’t put me in extreme pain haha), but they don’t last forever and once they’re over with I will look and feel like a totally healthy person who doesn’t carry HSV. While it’s a good idea to use more protection than my boyfriend and I are used to, the chances of me passing herpes to him are very, very small as long as we don’t have sex during an outbreak, so that’s not something to feel any major stress over. People seem to think their sex lives are over or will be completely changed because of their herpes. That’s not true, though! You just have to be a little smarter and more careful from now, it’s as simple as that.
While I definitely think you need to let yourself feel sad and panicked right after finding out you have herpes, don’t think you’re going to feel that way forever and don’t LET yourself feel that way forever. I’ve decided that I can either sit around feeling sorry for myself and wallowing in my misery, or I can accept that I’m going to have this virus forever and move on. While I feel for those who are really struggling to accept their situation, I have to admit that I don’t fully understand the people who have had it for a while and are still devastated over it. Tell me, what’s the big deal? HSV is a virus that SO many other people carry, it’s manageable, and it’s not a serious threat to your health. While it definitely sucks at times, things could be a lot worse!
Rather than focusing on the negative, I’m choosing to focus on the positive and be thankful that all I have is herpes and not some other serious illness or infection. I’m embracing that this is my new reality, that I haven’t changed, and that my life barely has. I know that I’m still a wonderful, worthwhile person and I have a lot to contribute to society! Having an STD does not impair me in any way and it makes me so sad to think that some people believe they are lesser people because of something as small and insignificant as herpes. You are all amazing and beautiful people! If anything, this experience will make you stronger.
The last thing I want to say is that I’ve always found that finding humour in a bad situation can be really helpful in coping with it. After receiving the diagnosis my best friend and I talked on the phone and rather than talking about how awful it is, we joked about it and laughed about how “this WOULD happen to me”. Don’t be afraid to take the situation lightly! Laughter is the best medicine
xoxo – H
I’m keeping my name private, but I found out I had HSV2 yesterday. I cried my eyes out because I had no clue who may have given it to me. I have no symptoms at all, but just a routine blood test and it showed I was positive. Due to two rapes and multiple sex partners … My mind could not wrap this around … I cried all day because I am currently in a relationship with the love of my life … I told him immediately after I got off the phone with my doctor… He was in shock, but wasn’t upset. He still wants to be together because at the end of the day, we love each other and made a commitment. At this time I’m still trying to wrap my brain around the whole situation… This could happen to anyone!
I am so happy to have found this website. I was diagnosed 3 days ago needless to say like everyone in my position I was devastated! I am a 47 year old business woman and never thought this would happen, especially at my age. The worst part is 2 days before I got the news I slept with my boyfriend of 3 months for the first time without protection. How horrible to change such a special memory with him, and have to tell him that he may be at risk. But it was worth the humiliation to help him. Each day I cry and have a drink, but also try to smile and find something good to push me forward. I have no where to go but up I guess. My heart goes out to all those in my shoes. I would love comforting words, tips or ideas to help me wrap my mind around what has happened. I still can’t believe it. Thank you for giving me a forum to speak of this. I wish us all wonderful happy days ahead.
My story is like many others I have read online. It started out with what was seemingly a simple BV infection for which I was prescribed antibiotics. I was not comfortable, but it certainly was nothing extraordinary. A few weeks later I started to experience excruciating irritation. Nights and mornings were the worst. I thought that perhaps the BV caused more infections – perhaps a bladder infection or UTI. It REALLY hurt to pee. So back to the doctor I went. She decided she wanted to do a pelvic exam because my lymph nodes were very swollen. She said this was not typical of a bladder infection and she just wanted to see what was going on. … I thought “okay, sure, cannot hurt I suppose.” (herpes had still not even crossed my mind at this point). She starts with “welp… I hate to say it…but…” … But what?!? She stands up to look at me and say “you have herpes. I see a very classic-looking blister and I am almost certain that is what it is.” I had not been sexually active for about a month, so I was confused. She said the virus can be dormant for a long time…
I genuinely felt like my chest was caving in. My eyes started to well. She continued on to say, “I give out this diagnosis at least 3 times a week…” Okay, this made me feel a little bit better. But I was still feeling like I may never breathe again because my chest hurt so badly. She writes me a prescription with refills. She was very nonchalant about the whole thing. Part of me thought that was a good thing, the other part of me really needed to be comforted and have my feelings validated. You just told me that I have something that I will have for the REST of my life. And closed with “try to avoid stress, its the worst trigger.” Okay, let me get this straight. I have a disease, for like, that I never expected, and I am not allowed to stress because the disease will get worse if I do?….
I walked over the pharmacy that I am used to (with a very kind pharmacist I might add)… and I had to contemplate whether or not to give him the prescription. My first crisis. If I give the prescription, that means ONE MORE PERSON knows that I have this wretched illness. One more person who knows me, my face, and will forever associate me with herpes.
I am going on only a month of having herpes. The physical symptoms went away very quickly (I really only had one visible external blister). I am still experiencing periodic tingling and irritation- likely fueled by my non-stop high level of stress and anxiety. I have continued to live my life normally- I go to work, to school, to dinner with girlfriends. But even though I am there, I am not really there. I am CONSTANTLY thinking about it. It never leaves me. I am always distracted. Loosing my keys, spacing out during conversation, it is literally always haunting me. I am trying to breathe and meditate, but it usually wins. The physical symptoms suck, most definitely. But the physical part PALES in comparison to the psychological toll. I know I will get a hold of it eventually. But for now, I am looking forward to talking to other women who understand and creating a community to help me through this. I do not even know if I will experience another physical symptom, since the diagnosis is so recent, but more than anything, I want it to leave my mind. I still want to interact and create meaningful relationships. I want to forgive myself.
Thanks Dr. Kelly for making yourself vulnerable and investing your life in helping other women suffering in silence!
~Mandi.
Mandi,
Your story hits home for so many women. A diagnosis of herpes can keep you up at night and consume your every thought, but it doesn’t have to. Thank you so much for revealing what it feels like so early in the journey. It is hard to NOT stress out over the one thing that stresses you more than anything else!
Here is what I can promise you. Over time, it truly gets better. You can learn how to take more deep breaths and get to a point that you almost forget that you have herpes until it comes time to disclose your status.
I can remember having the exact same feelings that you are having right now. I can even remember wondering whether or not to check the herpes box on an intake form at my dentist’s office. “What would they think?”, I thought.
Believe me….it gets better, and if you hang around this amazing group of women long enough, the stories of inspiration and the wealth of information will hold you in grace.
Pink Tent can be your sacred place to vent, ask questions and get support. We will be launching a much more interactive forum in the very near future, so stay tuned.
Thank you for sharing your story with us.
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr. Kelly
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. My heart was breaking. I felt so disgusting. I gave my whole heart to him and the only thing I got in return was HSV-2. I’m eight-teen years old, how am I going to live with this the rest of my life and tell my future partners I have this horrible infection? I have fear that my children are going to be born with it and have to live with outbreaks, but most of all I fear that no one will want to be with me.
I woke up Sunday morning with a horrible pain- I felt bruised. By Tuesday, I didn’t sleep, searching the Internet for symptoms of STD’s all night. I woke up that morning with four small bumps. Razor burn, a cut, ingrown hairs, this had to be anything but an STD. The pain was excruciating Wednesday, and by Thursday I’d had enough. I made an appointment for my first Gyno visit. He took samples, scraping the sores. While I waited for him to come back in with the diagnosis, I was preparing myself for the worst, taking deep breaths hoping I wouldn’t fall apart when he told me the results. He came in the room and told me the one thing I was hoping I wouldn’t have too- I had herpes. This couldn’t be possible; we used protection every single time. I told him over and over, asking him how this could be possible. I wasn’t a slut, I didn’t sleep around, he was my first. He explained to me that any skin-to-skin contact can pass it on and that there was nothing I could do about it. He wrote out my prescriptions and sent me on my way.
I have so much anger towards myself, towards him. It’s only been a few days since I was diagnosed, and since my first outbreak, so I don’t know how my body is going to handle this. So far I’ve felt like I have the flu. I am very dizzy and nauseous all the time. I find myself wishing I could be like Marty Mcfly in “Back to the Future” and travel back in time and change the decisions I made, but unfortunately, I can’t. I have to learn from my mistakes. Telling my mom was really hard; I thought she would be full of disappointment like I was. I lay in bed all day hoping that some how, when I wake up it will be gone, my herpes will have disappeared.
I am so thankful I came across this website. It has been so amazing and inspiring to read the stories of so many women going through this, and to see how they are coping with things.
Thank you Dr. Kelly for sharing your story and giving me hope. It makes me feel so blessed to know that I am not alone in this life long journey. ~Kortney
Kortney,
I think many women wish they could turn back the clock and make some different choices in life, but unfortunately we can’t. What you CAN do is to learn how to manage the symptoms and how to live and love again. Your feelings of anger are totally normal, but PLEASE be compassionate towards yourself. You did nothing wrong and there is no way that you could have known. We know that at least 1 in 4 women have genital herpes, so for every 4 of your friends, at least one of theme is going through exactly the same thing that you are. You are not alone!
It will take some time for you to heal both physically and emotionally, but you will. I can tell by your sharing that you are mature beyond your years and that you have the emotional intelligence to move beyond this diagnosis and not let it rule your life.
Herpes will not keep you from following your dreams in life and having babies. The chances of you passing herpes onto your baby is less than 1%. I hope that this tames that fear and puts it into a healthy perspective.
I am so glad you found our Pink Tent community. Outside of Pink Tent, one of the best resources on the internet is http://www.ashastd.org. They have some great content. Also, if you have not purchased my new book, Live, Love and Thrive with Herpes: A Holistic Guide For Women I highly recommend it. Women are raving about it. Here is one endorsement from Nancy Newby…
“As a psychotherapist who has been working in the herpes counseling arena for over thirty years, I am thrilled to have Dr. Kelly’s book as a resource for my clients. Using a holistic approach, she leads you from shame and confusion to love and beyond, with compassion and humor.”– Nancy Newby, MA, LMFT, LMHC, herpes hotline counselor
Keep the faith! Sending you lots of love and healing.
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr. Kelly
I contracted the virus in college from being promiscuous and unsafe with someone I knew to also be promiscuous and unsafe. He was the “fun” one to chase, but I really cared for another and I ended up giving the virus to him while I was unknowingly infected (He was a virgin before me). This was about 8 years ago. I ignored the problem for a long time thinking it was just a cut or light itching. My symptoms were not too bad, but I was medicating a lot of emotional stress with drugs and alcohol, so a lot is hazy. Once my partner started to have outbreaks, he got tested and was pretty pissed that I had infected him. I stayed in denial outwardly, but knowing inside it must be true. We tried to make it work for 7 years, but I just couldn’t forgive myself or much less see how he could either. Without love for yourself it makes loving another almost impossible. The relationship was helpful to have another person who knew the hell of herpes, but it was so dysfunctional that I eventually turned to friends for support (infected for about 5 years). They were so accepting! Some more “grossed out” than others, a couple really curious with questions, but since I wasn’t going to ever sleep with them anyway most saw it as no big deal. To me, on the other hand, a HUGE DEAL! I continued to search for solace in my crazy relationship, while also seeking self love. It didn’t take long to realize that I need to end it. So last October I began my radical journey of self love. I sobered up and I’m getting healthy. I look forward to one day having romantic love in my life again and hopefully sharing my story here will help me to share it with others, and then help them share theirs with others. My partner didn’t want anyone to find out, but now that we aren’t even living near each other I want to tell the world! Love me or don’t, but this silent shame…this self chatter of how to get it off my chest is driving me nuts!!! My old friends know many of my new found girlfriends I talk to, but how do you tell others? Should you tell others? These are things I am hoping this community can help me out with. As far as treatment goes, I use outbreaks as a barometer of how my life is going. Stress, anxiety,and bad nutrition=outbreak. I’ve taken up meditation and yoga to help me heal from the inside out and it is working. I’m still scabby on the inside, but I’m getting better. I want to be whole, so that I can help light the path for others on this journey to freedom. Because if you can work through all your inner bullshit and find true self love, herpes or not, then you win! I wish someone had told me how much your emotional state has to do with outbreaks and I wish someone had told me to talk about it sooner to those I love. If you are newly diagnosed there is love out there for you, but it starts with you! Break the silence and get out of your head about it! If you are in a relationship just because you think no one else will ever love you- get out and find love for yourself. Self punishment thorough a rotten relationship only makes your life more hectic and outbreaks more frequent. I don’t know a lot, but I love to listen, so please let me know if you have any feedback or just want to vent. I love you all and you are all on the road to recovery. This is not an easy path, but it is a path to a WHOLE you. Most people, whether or not they have herpes, don’t look to see what makes them tick. We now have to see what makes us stress because if not, we’ll get outbreaks. You may not see it now, but this may just be a blessing forcing us to get to know ourselves for REAL. Check out Brene Brown!!!
Rajani,
Thank you so much for sharing with us and congratulations on your sobriety and your commitment to your health. I know that that is not an easy path either. You bring up so many key points for a woman with herpes to heal from the inside out. You are so much farther ahead in your journey than most!
I admire you for your desire to help others as you said, “I want to be whole, so that I can help light the path for others on this journey to freedom. Because if you can work through all your inner bullshit and find true self love, herpes or not, then you win!” You are a warrior Rajani and we women with herpes need more leaders like you. If every woman with herpes could stand in their power, there would be no stigma! Your story will empower many!
I can’t wait to meet you virtually in one of our live calls. I want to personally invite you to our next live call “The Top Triggers Your Doctor Never Told You About” on Sunday April 28th at 6PM MST.
You can register at http://www.pinktent.com/upcoming-calls/
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr. Kelly
I am 30years old and was diagnosed with HSV-1 and HSV-2 in January this year. I was told over the phone by my gyno, she said that I have nothing to worry about because this is not a big deal. Then she asks me if I had any questions, after a long pause I said no. She then told me that having children would be a concern and that if I do conceive I would have to have a C-section. That was the last time I’ve heard from her and it is now April.
I’ve read the stories on here and the women seemed to have some reason to be tested, but I didn’t. There were no signs or symptoms, nor has their been any since I’ve received the news. I went to the gyno because I thought I had a UTI.
I have been in a state of depression ever since, I weighed 158 in January and now I weigh 137. None of my clothes fit and people are always asking me if everything is ok. This diagnoses has ruined my life! I haven’t told anyone and have carried this with me for the past three months. There have been times where I didn’t feel like living anymore. Unlike all the women here on this group I don’t have a support system. I do not live in the US where support groups exist. I live in the Bahamas and if anyone ever found out about this it will ruin me and my family. If my older sister found out she would hate me and probably rebuke me to hell for not waiting to be married before having sex. My island is 21 miles long and someone is always in the another persons’ businesses, stigmas follow people forever.
I have since cut off contact with my friends because I can’t face anyone nor do I want to be around anyone. I have decided to live my life as a hermit. I’m not dating anyone, nor do I desire to ever date anyone again. I can’t have the conversation with a man to tell him that I have herpes. I am slowly accepting the fact that I will be alone forever. I have decided that I will just be the best aunt and godmother that I can be because I will never have children because I do not ever in life want to have sex again. It is because of sex that this has happened to me and I’m being punished because I didn’t wait until I was married.
I have since rededicated my life to Christ and have asked him for his forgiveness. I don’t know why this has happened and I feel like an awful person. I cry all the time, and hardly eat, food was a passion of mine I loved going to dinner with friends, but I don’t have the desire anymore. I used to smile and tell jokes all the time. I no longer have any happiness or any reason for smiling. Suicide was an option, but decided against it because I didn’t want to embarrass my family. Yet they will still be embarrassed if this ever comes out.
Women on here are talking about experiencing pains or itching or bumps, but I haven’t had anything happen to me. Which is the reason it is so hard for me to believe I have herpes because I have not seen any signs of it.
I don’t know if there’s medication I should take because the doctor never recommended anything to me. I don’t want to go to another doctor for advice because of fear of my family finding out. I would appreciate it, if anyone can help me.
I feel so alone, especially since I live in the Bahamas and I can’t turn to anyone for help or even just a hug. Being alone is a dark place to be and it’s really sad. I have cried throughout this whole post.
I really hope someone can help me, because I don’t know how long I can be strong.
Clarice,
My heart aches to read your post. I feel your pain and want to reach out and give you a great big hug. You are an amazing woman who has done nothing wrong. I know you feel all alone, but believe me, you aren’t. We know that at least 1 in 4 women have this and 85% of people who have herpes don’t know it. In addition, herpes is commonly misdiagnosed as a UTI and many other skin conditions. The best piece of advice I can give you is to seek out some help. You need support in this journey. If you need to talk to someone, I recommend calling the herpes hotline at
Herpes Resource Center
1-800-230-6039
I also recommend that read my new book, Live, Love and Thrive with Herpes: A Holistic Guide For Women (www.CreateSpace.com/3916008). I promise you that it will shed a bright light on this unfairly stigmatizing diagnosis. I also encourage you to participate in our Pink Tent calls. You must reclaim your joy and happiness in life! You deserve to be the bright and shining star that you are. Herpes is ONLY a skin infection and there are ways I can teach you to live and love again. I promise you that you have already taken a huge step in your healing journey and that was to reach out to me and share your story with our Pink Tent community of women. We are here to support, educate and inspire you. You are no longer alone.
I hope to “meet” you on our next call on Sunday April 28th. Be sure to register! Even if you are not experiencing frequent outbreaks, get on the call to be part of our growing community, which can serve to uplift you.
Sending you love and many blessings.
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr. Kelly
I went to a support group meeting tonight at an area hospital and was referred to Pink Tent by several women. Last month was the first meeting I went to and the group was small. Tonight there were about 40 people of diverse backgrounds, many there for the first time. I am 62 years old, divorced for several years after a long term marriage. I was diagnosed with herpes 3 years ago. My ex-husband’s departing gift. This fact has made me more sad than angry. I have a large group of loving family and friends including a nice man who has been accepting. They have helped me through a difficult divorce, selling a house, moving and all the stress that goes along with major life change. I continue to have chronic herpes flare-ups, not serious, but there all the same. The current flare-up has lasted for 5 months. A day or two calmed down, then it starts up again. I take the maximum dose of anti-viral medicine. I try to eat well, spend quality time with friends, do yoga, relax by walking the dog. I have a rewarding and demanding job. I understand that anxiety is a major factor in flare-ups and I have tried to do my best in the face of serious stress in my life. Sometimes despite my best effort, it’s impossible to reduce, let alone eliminate stress in life. I am hoping that with the support of other women who have this condition, my flare-ups will occur with less frequency and duration. I am also trying to deal with the shame associated with this disease. I would like to know if there are dietary and lifestyle changes that I can try, which will help. For example, I enjoy chocolate, nuts, an occasional glass of red wine, fresh bread, lots of fresh fruit. Could they be contributing factors? Are there certain vitamins I should take? There’s so much conflicting information out there. Thank you for your support.
Hello, I have been afraid to write my story and afraid to talk about herpes, even with my therapist, but here goes! I was diagnosed with type two at only 15. I had no idea who really gave it to me because no one in my life, who I was sexually active with was honest about the topic..I never believed I could get an std or anything so horrible could happen to ME. The main potential giver said “you can only get herpes if you’re really trashy” and we figured it was clap, which he’d once gotten..but I got swabbed and the news tore me open. Luckily, Dr. Kelly was my moms client, so I met with her, beyond that my mom was my only support. Over a year later, after he went and told all our friends that I gave it to him, and I was the trashy slutty one, he apologized and told me had it beforehand and was just too scared too tell me. At this point I have forgiven him, which has helped my healing. It’s been 2 years now and I still suffer from outbreaks really often. I know my body well, yet I must not because the outbreaks can be surprising to me. I get them almost every month at different times of stress, which I am constantly very stressed out, Valtrex helps me, but my diet usually doesn’t. It is probably because regardless of what I eat, my stress has the largest effect. I have never told someone I dated before I had sex with them, yet they’ve always been accepting:) The talk is the scariest thing in my life and causes me SOO MUCH ANXIETY. I usually get a panic attack regardless of how much the person cares for me, they usually have a moment of fear and one of my ex’s actually had it too. I have once been badly rejected by someone and left a huge mark for me. I am still trying to free myself from that fear of rejection that I experienced. I feel more comfortable being with people who know or already have it, but I don’t want that much control over my sexual choices, yet I still don’t want to deal with telling people I don’t think I would ever see again (as long as we use protection). Herpes has also slowed down my sexual activity and made me very aware of my body’s reaction to other people. For example, if they treat me in a traumatic sexual way, it usually causes an outbreak. I am less affected by my outbreaks, yet it hasn’t gotten much better, considering how consistent they are. I often feel like I’m suffering in silence and bringing up the topic gives me so much anxiety, it often causes me an outbreak… so I resist the topic. I’ve realized if the person has no experience with it and I am going to be in a relationship with them, they get scared, but I have to just give them space and have integrity. It’s really important! Hot tubs and caffeine are my biggest trigger as well as stress (mainly not sleeping and toxins in my body). 2 years seems like a long time to have this infection, I consider myself to know a good bit about it, yet I still really feel very confused, lost and shameful. It takes a long time to really get to know this infection, much longer than I thought..It makes me feel very vulnerable. I used drugs for many years and partly because of the shame and isolation herpes put me in. I know now that partially my inability to be healed and have positive thoughts around my herpes is because I used drugs, instead of letting my body heal naturally. The arginine in alcohol or just over stimulation from most drugs can be a big trigger for me and others. I can’t party like I used to because of it. The only medication thats helped me beyond Valtrex is Ativan or other sedatives such as that because it calms my over stimulated mind and helps me relax and just breath… This is not a permanent solution though, or natural!! I am sure I am not the only one who has tried to use any medication beyond an antiviral to heal but it is true that the body can’t heal properly (more just masks the symptoms as Western medicine does) when intoxicated from anything. I am the only thing that can heal me! From the INSIDE OUT not OUTSIDE IN. I am going to continue to journal my journey and figure out my triggers and I wish everyone the best on their journey with herpes because it really is a horrible thing, but that doesn’t mean that we are horrible because it’s sooo important to remember that we are not herpes!!
I got this horrible gift from my ex-husband. I have no symptoms or outbreak,and my doctor says it is dormant. I feel I can never marry again, yet alone be intimate. It has been three years now since finding out. I am so isolated now. I go to work, come home, and stay there too embarrased to go out, ashamed really. I want to disappear, but cannot without alarming family and friends. I am glad for them, but they have no idea why I am no longer the happy person I once was. I really am depressed, but hiding it kinda well. I need to change, but I’m scared.
My Dear Woezee,
Take a deep breath and know that you can learn how to live and love again. I promise that you can be the happy person you once were, you just need to get some support!
If you haven’t done so already, I encourage you to read my new best-selling Amazon book, Live, Love and Thrive with Herpes: A Holistic Guide For Women. I know you will discover several exercises and stories which will help you to overcome your diagnosis. You can purchase the book at http://www.CreateSpace.com/3916008 I also have a new course offering called “The Foundations Course: Reclaiming Your Sexual Health and Wellbeing”. In this course, I will share with you how I learned to heal from the inside out.
You can register at http://www.pinktent.com/foundations/
This is the first step in reclaiming your sexual health and wellbeing.
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr. Kelly
It was January 2009, I woke up early that morning with throbbing pain in my groin area. Herpes did not enter my mind because the last person I had sex with, was my boyfriend, whom I had been with for over two and a half years. I thought I knew this person, this person just told me they love me so no way did I think I had any type of STD. This was the 3rd person out of my 28years of life that I had sex with. I wanted to marry him and have children with him.
Our relationship wasn’t perfect. It was rocky, but no matter how hard we fought sometimes, I never thought by the end of it there would be so much betrayal, deceit, and disrespect.
At the end of 2008 I was really depressed and upset about our relationship. There were so many ups and downs and many many tears. However, after not speaking to him for a while – 3 months, because I was just so tired and exhausted of the fighting, I finally agreed to see him to talk things out. I still loved him, so not speaking to him for 3 months, I thought was my way for him to have his space and make sure he felt as strongly about our relationship as I did. During those 3 months he called everyday sometimes 3 times a day to tell me he loved me and called me his wife. I cried for those months because I missed him so much. After finally agreeing to talk things out we had sex. It was the next day I felt some tingling, cold symptoms and my groin area was sore. But I was really depressed, not eating and overall not taking care of myself for those months we were fighting, so I figured my overall flu like symptoms were attributed to my poor self care, plus the previous day I went running so I thought maybe I pulled a muscle in my inner thigh.
Well, early that January morning I work up to throbbing pain and went to the bathroom and I touched my vagina lips and I heard a pop. It was the blister popping. I was in a state of shock. I called my Doctor and set up and appointment. My Doctor told me it was herpes. I was so angry, because there was nothing I could do about it. I could yell and scream at him but really what good would that do, I would still have the virus.
I really don’t know how to deal with this. I am really depressed. I get outbreaks once or twice a year. I have sabotaged every relationship I have been in after contracting this because I do not want the other person to contract this virus or deal with rejection myself. I started to date this new guy, but after 3 months I ended up pushing him away because I did not want him to get sick or tell him I had it. I am so sad because I feel I will never be able to have a relationship or family.
Dear Dr. Kelly,
I just found your website and came across your story in the last couple of days.
I must say I am so glad to have found you.
I am 57 years old. I contracted herpes 2 years ago in 2011.
2011 was the worst year for me. My brother was dying of cancer thousands of miles away from where I live. Right before he died I received a call saying my younger sister had just died suddenly. I had lost two younger siblings in the space of a few weeks and flew half way across the world for two funerals.
I came home distraught and wasn’t any longer sure of anything. During that time I was eating poorly and up to that point I ate mostly raw. My immune system was down , I was down and slept with someone whom I trusted. He said after that he didn’t know he had herpes. Whether he did know or not; he treated me very poorly after the fact. I never heard from him again.
I was in a state of shock for a very long time.
I am in a relationship with someone who is very understanding of my herpes, yet I am terrified to be intimate with him.
I have yet to have sexual intercourse, since my diagnosis.
I have had numerous outbreaks and I loathe to take pharmaceutical drugs.
One major problem I have had and continue to have is continuous itching every single night for 18 months (since 2011).
I am at the point of breaking down and going the route of drugs, but do not want to. I never get a full night’s sleep.
I have read about it possibly being neuralgia (Not sure if that is the word?) or nerve damage, which occurs mostly at night. Or , could it be psychological?
Dr. Kelly, any thought or advice on the itching would be extremely helpful.
(I have calmed down a lot since my diagnosis and have learned to live with it.. but thrive I must, and learn to love myself)
Thank you so very much Dr. Kelly for being such a brave soul and helping so many women.
Suzanne,
I am so glad you found this site and I hope that if offers you some information and inspiration. Your story is heartbreaking and it is my sincere hope that life gets easier for you. I send you my condolences for the loss of your siblings.
You asked me about daily itching since your diagnosis since 2011. That is an extremely long time for herpes to be itching! You must be a strong woman to endure this and not turn immediately to drugs. There is a possibility that the itching is not caused by herpes, and could be the result of a yeast/candida infection, food allergies or product allergies. I do suggest that you go back to your doctor and have it checked out.
With what you have shared, the first thing I would change is your soap, shampoo, conditioner, laundry detergent, body lotion, any other products that might be touching your skin. Also, I would stay away from tight fitting pants/spandex, arginine based personal lubricants and thongs. Food wise, I would cut out dairy, soy and gluten in order to eliminate the most probable cause of food allergies. Also, decrease the amount of arginine (a known herpes trigger) in your food.
The best thing you can do to counteract herpes is to boost your immunity. I would start taking probiotics, 3x a day. The “good bugs” in the probiotics will help to balance our the “bad bugs” (i.e. yeast and herpes). I would also be sure to increase your Omega 3 oils, up to 5000mg/day. You can use fish oil, flax seeds etc.
These are just a few things you can do right now. I go into a supplement regimen and details on herpes triggers in my new book, Live, Love and Thrive with Herpes- A Holistic Guide For Women.
Sending you lots of love and light.
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr. Kelly
Victoria,
Thank you for sharing your story. Thank God for your mother! It sounds as though she is very supportive of you. I was never promiscuous either, so I believe you when you say that you never slept around. I have had countless women share with me that their first sexual encounter resulted in a herpes infection. Promiscuous or not, herpes knows no boundaries.
As far as your boyfriend goes, he honestly may never have known that he had herpes and unless he had had it for 3 or more months, the tests could have inaccurately given him a negative result.
My husband was very supportive when I told him. It was truly no big deal for him and he trusted me that I would protect him the best that I could. Most women who I talk to have positive experiences with having the talk. I outline my “talk” guidelines in my mini-book “Having The Talk: How To Find Intimacy After An STD”, which can be purchased on Amazon http://www.amazon.com/Having-Talk-Intimacy-Living-ebook/dp/B007RPU0QK/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1362454705&sr=1-3&keywords=dr+kelly+schuh.
The short answer to your question is no, I never infected Richard with the virus. Our story is very interesting and I share the whole think in my new book, which will be available very soon.
I hope this helps.
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr. Kelly
I’m so happy that I found this website. I was diagnosed with HSV-2 about a week ago. I, like many other women on this site, was devastated when I found out. I can remember the night that I contracted the disease very clearly. I had gotten out of a relationship back in October of 2012- was tested immediately after for STDs and my results came back negative. My relationship had ended poorly. I was coming to the realization that I was dating people that I wasn’t truly interested in. I was staying in relationships because I didn’t want to hurt the individual that I was with and that I was very unhappy in doing so. I decided after my most recent relationship that I was not going to date anyone that I wasn’t truly attracted to-mind, body, and soul. Things were really looking up for me, with 2013 fast approaching, I decided to make resolutions for my health. I was going to start taking the stairs at work everyday, make sure I floss after every meal, and get to the gym at least 3 days a week. 2013 was going to be the best year of my life..or so I thought. On December 15th 2012, my roommates decided to hold a holiday party at my apartment. I had a comedy performance that night (I’m an aspiring comedian) and I remember thinking, “I just want to go home and go to bed- I hate that there is a party going on at my house right now…maybe I will be able to sleep while it goes on.” However, when I got home, my apartment was completely packed and I decided to socialize- be a good host- meet people and have a good time. I did not have one alcoholic beverage so I cannot blame the following scenario on anything but my own choice. I met a very handsome man that night at the party. We hit it off immediately and had a passionate make out session in my room. I remember thinking, “this guy is different-I really like this guy!” He got my phone number and texted me the very next day. On New Years Eve, we decided to meet up and we ended up sleeping with one another- and stupidly, we had unprotected sex. I remember asking him if he was clean before we engaged in anything without a condom- his response was, “I’m as clean as a whistle!” and being the naive person that I was, I believed him. The next morning, our conversation became very intimate-we shared our passions, our dreams-I learned that he was a trainer at a health club-someone who put health of himself and others first… I thought that I found a true catch. He drove me home, told me he would call me the next day…and I saw him again. About 3 days later, I started to experience symptoms that I thought were a yeast infection; however, after 2 weeks of intense itchiness I came to the realization that it was something more serious. I was terrified to get tested. I started researching on my own- Did I have crabs? Was it gonorrhea? Chlamydia? After 2 weeks, I noticed a few bumps but the itchiness had pretty much disappeared. Was I overreacting? I panicked one night and texted the guy that I slept with. I basically demanded that he tell me if he had an STD that he was aware of- that I knew that he wasn’t interested in pursuing anything with me since he hadn’t called me in 2 weeks, but how I would never put his health in jeopardy and how I hoped he would at least be honest with me and tell me if I needed to worry. I must have sounded like a complete freak texting him at 3am about STDs, but I WAS TERRIFIED! He texted me back the next morning, “I’m clean as a whistle”…and so I believed him and went on with life. I ended up dating someone in late February. I knew that I really liked this guy and I was sure things were going to get intimate, so I decided that I wanted to get tested just to be sure that I didn’t have anything. I went into my doctor, got an STD test and blood work and left feeling good about being responsible and starting something great with someone that I truly liked and who liked me. About 2 weeks later, I got a call from my gynecologist while I was at work telling me to call her back. I knew it couldn’t be good- usually the doctor would call and leave a message saying that everything looked great and there was no need to call her back, this wasn’t good. I began to panic. I reached out to a close co-worker who told me that I was probably overreacting. When I finally got a hold of my doctor she told me that the STD tests had come back and that I was clean, but that I just had signs of a bacterial infection. She wanted me to call back with my pharmacy information- I immediately rejoiced with my co-worker that I was in fact overreacting and called my doctor back with my pharmacy information. That was when she dropped the bomb on me- she forgot to look at my blood work tests when I initially called…and the results showed that I tested positive for HSV-2. I immediately started bawling. I was shocked and devastated. Anything but herpes! Herpes is incurable! Herpes isn’t something that a 24 year old aspiring comedian who had her first kiss at the age of 21 would contract! HERPES!? My mind was racing- panic mode. What would this mean? What would I tell the guy that I started dating!? Is my love life over? Will anyone ever love me? How could I be so naive, so irresponsible, so…stupid? My co-worker took me out that night, she listened to me cry, she hugged me and told me that everything was going to be okay. I stayed home from work the next day, cried all day, researched the disease extensively on the internet and became a victim right there. Blog upon blog about this disease causing women to stop dating! I decided that I had to tell the guy that I was seeing that I had contracted the disease…I researched how to tell your partner that you have herpes- “sit down with him and tell him in a calm manner that you have herpes- that it is very common- give him the facts”…I knew it would be over. I decided to text him that I wanted to meet with him and discuss something important…immediately he asked what. I didn’t want to tell him over text so I just kept telling him, “let’s meet in person”…which seemed to scare him even more. He finally just told me that I had to tell him right then- he didn’t want to meet in person…clearly I was scaring him with the “serious talk” text. Thanks Google. I just blurted it out to him on text- how immature of me! It would all be over- I was convinced- but his response was “that’s it? I know a lot of people with that…it’s not a big deal…never freak me out like that again…okay?” I couldn’t believe what he was saying. DID HE NOT HEAR ME!? I HAVE HERPES! ITS NOT CURABLE! HHHEEELLOOO!!! And guess what? We have been dating ever since that conversation and having an excellent sex life. Yes, I’m terrified of what is to come, but you know what? It could have been worse. I could have contracted HIV…I could have had an unwanted pregnancy…but I didn’t. Is it weird that I’m choosing to make this disease make me into a better person? I refuse to become a victim of it…I know I am in store for some bad times…but that is true of life in general. If I could go back in time, I would shake myself and tell myself to not have sex with the guy I did. I would tell myself to find more worth in myself before having a one night stand. I would tell myself that I’m not invisible. But you know what? I can’t go back in time…no one can. We make decisions and we have to live with them…and honestly, its not about the decisions we make, but how we choose to react and deal with the consequences. I’m responsible for contracting this- while many women were in committed relationships when they contracted this- I was not. I had a one night stand…without a condom. I didn’t think about the consequences- granted no one deserves this disease- it has been a huge wake up call to me. Isn’t it funny how I made a resolution to put my health first and now I am being forced to do so with this disease? I’m forced to practice safe sex, to not have one night stands, to take my meds, avoid stress, and above all…love myself. There is good that can come from this- I refuse to be a victim. Tonight I had a crying fit about it- it is my third outbreak and I know that I will have many more in the future. I allowed myself to cry for an hour- to feel the anger- feel the weight of my decisions- feel the reality of life…then after an hour of feeling sorry for myself, I got up and said “enough” and started focusing on something that makes me happy. As I said before, I’m a comedian and trust me…I’ve been one of those people that has laughed about STDs. I’ve made jokes! AND NOW I HAVE ONE! In my last comedy last class, our teacher told us to start pitching sketch ideas for things that we care about- things that matter to us because that is what makes you stand out to an audience. Guess what I’m going to do? I’m going to pitch ideas about this STD- but not in a negative light- in the most positive light I can. You know why I love theater? You can bring an issue to stage that an audience is scared about and you can bring light to it- make it less of a monster…I’m going to do that. I’m going to help change what the stigma is behind herpes. I promise every woman out there- I will not dishonor your fight or your integrity- I’m right there with you! If you have this disease, stop reading blogs about how your life is over. Just stop. It puts you in a negative mind set and its not worth it! You have Herpes. What is done, is done. I mean that’s what it comes down to. Life is unfair and you just have to deal with crummy situations like this. It doesn’t make you dirty, it doesn’t make you stupid, it doesn’t make you a slut, a whore- or anything like that. You are a unique, wonderful individual with a virus- that’s it. How to tell your partner? I mean you can read about it on google, you can ask friends- my advice is, yes- be responsible and tell your partner because hey, I want to shake the man who gave this to me and scream “WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME!?!?!” but honestly, maybe he didn’t know he had it…and it takes two to tango- right? I was irresponsible….But my point is, tell your partner in the way that makes you most comfortable. Join support groups that stay positive like this group! Don’t waste your time scaring yourself- you are playing into the stigma as much as society is when you do that! Have the attitude you want society to have towards it and if stress is a trigger of your outbreaks, stressing out about how your life is over…which it certainly is not…will probably cause more outbreaks! Stay strong everyone! AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS WEBSITE! I already bookmarked this page for whenever I need strength and support- Thank you! Thank you! THANK YOU!!!
Hi Dr. Kelly
I am Gita…
I was diagnosed with herpes in January, one month before my 20th birthday. My boyfriend and I were really shocked. It was really upsetting us. We were confused and wondered where it came from?? My boyfriend and I are so clean and never had any disease before. We are loyal to each other, but then we realized we had oral sex when he had cold sore. He felt guilty, but I don’t blame him, for I love him so much.
My life has been hard and I feel under confident and I cry every day because I don’t know what to do. HERPES is not the only problem for I also have OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER. Both are making me crazy, anxious, and afraid. I always ask myself; “can I have a normal life?”, “can I have a healthy baby?”, can I enjoy sex again?”
I found this website and I learned so many things. I know many people think that herpes is a dirty disease because they don’t understand. I can say that because I am clean and I am one who suffers from obsessive compulsive disorder. Actually, it tortures me. I have herpes and OCD at the same time, but I am stronger than this virus and I can manage my OCD. Herpes is not my enemy, it is the part of my life.
Thank you
Hi Dr. Kelly!
I’m so inspired by your story, and I commend you on your bravery and kindness to allow people to be apart of a website to help others.
I just recently found out this week that I have herpes (not sure which type). I feel so hurt, scared and I just don’t know how I am going to be able to find someone who can be with me with this. I feel like no one deserves to live with this type of guilt or shame because of someone’s irresponsibility in checking themselves (in my case). I got back with an ex boyfriend in which I was separated from for 8 months and I trusted him in being the one to have sex with after 3 years of not being sexually involved with anyone. I started getting sick and weird things happened to me 2 days after. I went to the doctor and found out I contracted gonorrhea. Once I found out I had gonorrhea, I notified my doctor that I started to get bumps over the weekend. She tested me for herpes with a swab and since then he disappeared and then came back saying his results were “inconclusive,” which means he never went to the doctor because you either have it or you don’t, in my opinion. Then he tried to put the blame on me, then just completely treated me like dirt and I found out the day before that I had herpes, he was going to pursue someone else. I wrote him a letter telling him how I felt and if it would have been another person they would have put him in jail…I know in my heart I got it from him because before we broke up months ago we were together in an intimate way and I didn’t have anything go wrong with me. I know my body well and my immune system sucks, so I had a gut feeling it was an std. I feel so sad, I feel like I’m not going to have what I have always wanted; a family and a husband… How can I be involved with someone sexually and be terrified in getting them sick the whole time?… I wouldn’t be able to live with myself and that’s if they don’t run for the hills once they learn I have herpes…I’m just so confused, hurt and on top of that I’m trying to be as strong as possible, but I’m terrified!
Hi, my name is Alexis. I’m 19 and I have herpes. I’ve had it for a year. Me and this guy were talking, but we were friends with benefits and we did it for the first time and I caught the virus. I was so upset and angry. I was going through soooooo much pain. My pee was burning and the sores were hurting badly. I went to every doctor and they said it seems like a form of herpes. Ever since I heard your story, it helps me and I listen to it every day. But everyday I think about the bad choice I made and how I could have made it better by just wearing a condom.:) I just want to say thanks for everything!
Alexis,
I am so glad to hear that my story is helping you get through this. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me and our community. Never forget that you are STILL beautiful and sexy! Please know that while yes, you could have used a condom, that would not have guaranteed that you would not have contracted herpes. Unfortunately, many women use condoms and they still get herpes! So, don’t beat yourself up over that.
Did you know that 1 in 2 sexually active people contract a STD by the time they are 25? So, by no means are you all alone and many of your friends are going through the same thing.
I send you peace and love and hope that you will continue to be part of our Pink Tent community of women with herpes. There are some very exciting things for our Pink Tent community, which will be released very soon. Stay tuned.
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr. Kelly
Where to start? Thank you for sharing your stories dear sisters.
I am 51 years old, massage therapist, reflexologist, counselor…. spiritual seeker and aspirant, doing daily meditation and yoga.
I started to date a new boyfriend last winter. It was the first time I really started to date anyone after being single for three years. Before starting to have sex I did ask the man if he had had any STIs and the answer was no and I had had my tests done for some time before that.
It took about 2 weeks after having sex the first time with this man. I was diagnosed in June 2012 after having high fever, aches around the whole body, painful and tense back, and very painful sores in my vaginal and genital area.
I had a hard time accepting that I was infected, I was devastated and angry (I still am a bit), and desperate and the man was belittling the idea of having Herpes. Then he told me that he had had some blisters or sores in his penis at some point or every once in a while, so he had lied to me and I had believed him. I broke up with him for many reasons and his attitude was not the least reason.
It took some time to process and think the whole thing over and the process is still continuing. The ‘first’ outbreak lasted for a few weeks and then there was a break from that for maybe 3-5 days and then I got the next outbreak, which lasted a few weeks, but it was not as bad as the first one. Then a few days off and then again and again …. So after last June – in 9 months – I have had just a few days without any symptoms and now I have an outbreak in my eye and in my cheek. I have taken good care of washing and sterilizing my hands all the time. There was a time that I used plastic gloves when washing my genital area, but quit from that when my gyn told that washing hands with soap should be enough.
I got new blood tests done for the STIs last Fall, a few months after the first outbreak and the tests came out clean, no STI according to the test results, but I still had the symptoms.
I started homeopathic medication soon after the first outbreak. I have had an ayurvedic balancing diet and herbal medication and I take my vitamins, which has helped a bit, but not enough. Finally, I went to my gynecologist again in the beginning of January and got preventive medication, which I hate, but I just couldn’t take it anymore.
I have been working a lot with my childhood traumas during the last few years and it has been hard work, but I am getting through it slowly. I believe that the traumas that I have had and I have carried over all these years have made me a good candidate in getting this kind of infection.
I still feel shame and have a hard time in believing that someone could love me that much and that I could have a normal sex life – yes, we middle age people have still sexual desires and a sexual life too. I don’t want to pass this on to anyone, but I long for a healthy relationship with a loving man and I long for touch and being held.
Although I still feel uncomfortable with the idea of having Herpes, I know that in the near future I will overcome this feeling and the symptoms will stay away and I can continue my life as stronger and more open person and therapist.
It looks like discussing with friends has helped me in accepting this. So, I think that the more I share my story, the more I heal and the stigma of herpes will be healed too.
Hi Everyone,
I have been meaning to share my story for quite sometime now. I had another gyn visit today that has compelled me to share my story and help women through this forum as it has helped me.
Let me start off by saying that I am a Registered Nurse. I can remember being in nursing school and learning about STI’s very vividly. Naturally, I sought to be well educated in the subject but never would have thought that I would contract an STI. How could I? I knew how to be safe! I knew to be open with my partner, I understood the value of protection and testing! Additionally, I have been in a strictly monogamous relationship with the same guy for 4 years! So when I had my first herpes outbreak, I thought I was in a bad dream.
My first outbreak occurred about two months ago. I had the classical signs, bumps and sores on my vaginal area and flu-like symptoms. But I thought I had the flu! After all, it was flu season and I am constantly surrounded by acutely sick people. As far as the vaginal bumps, I thought they were ingrown hairs from shaving! Then I put the pieces to the puzzle together and went straight to my gyn. I had a violent case of herpes. I had 102 fever, achy, painful sores everywhere from my vaginal area to my buttocks to the top of my thighs ! I felt humiliated and thought my life is over! I was crying the moment my gyn confirmed the diagnosis. And to make matters worse, all my gyn did was hand me a prescription and told me to take it as prescribed and “we will call you with you blood test results”. I went home not knowing what to do, not knowing where to begin. I felt completely abandoned and alone. I thought, how am I supposed to get on with my life now? How do I manage herpes? No one will want to have sex with me now. I went back to my nursing textbooks to familiarize myself once again with herpes. Then, I searched the internet and found Dr.Kelly. I talked to my boyfriend who was just as confused at the diagnosis as I was. Nevertheless, he was 100% supportive, didn’t question my loyalty, and simply said “I love you. What’s the next step in treating this thing”. With antiviral medication, my outbreak healed completely. I felt normal again. Life went on. Fast forward a few weeks and I come to find that my outbreak was contracted through having oral sex. I had a blood test done, IgM I believe, which can reveal the kind of herpes contracted. We confirmed that my bf has HSV-1 and passed it onto me through oral sex. According to another gyn I had spoken with, the most aggressive and violent cases of herpes usually come from oral herpes passed on to the genitals and these people usually don’t experience another genital outbreak. Finally some answers! Fast forward to the beginning of this week, I have another outbreak. This time, it is very minor in comparison to my first outbreak. My gyn asked to see me again so I went to his office for another evaluation. He confirmed that I was having another outbreak. However, just as before, he abandoned me. I was actually talking to him and he was slowly walking towards the door. I had mentioned that I believed the outbreak was brought on by stress because last week was just plain awful. His response was ” that’s wishful thinking” and left the room!!! Needless to say, I will be finding another gyn to help me manage my gyn health.
This experience has been one of the most challenging in my life thus far. I would say to any woman out there who has just been diagnosed with herpes to stay strong! I know it is tough. There may be some sleepless nights and tears shed initially and from time to time but you can get through it! It may not seem like it, but life does go on if you allow it to. I was so worried that my bf would not want to have sex with me again, that he would look at me differently and find me unattractive. Quite the opposite! He still wants to have sex with me and our passion for one another has not changed at all! It’s amazing! The right guy will accept you and take you as you are. Don’t be afraid to educate your partner and manage herpes together. Today, I am ready for whatever herpes throws at me LOL. I refuse to let it control me or define me. I am taking my medication, I have started to take zinc, vitamin c, and lysine supplements daily, and I strive to lead a healthy life style. I think the stigma of herpes hurts just as much as the herpes sores. Not only do you have to face the pain of an outbreak but you have to face the pain of the stigma of herpes in the media and among peers. It is absolutely up to us to break the stigma. Finally, from this experience, I have decided to continue my education to become a Women’s Health NP. I want to be an advocate for women like us. I want to take a woman newly diagnosed with herpes and hold her hand and tell her what to do next. I want to give her literature to help her find answers to her questions and introduce her to resources and support groups to help her manage and overcome her fears. I want to be everything my gyn wasn’t for me! I want to say thank you to Dr. Kelly for being brave enough to tell the world that she has herpes and for being such a stronghold for women. You were open and honest and full of knowledge when I needed someone to be open, honest, and knowledgeable.
Hi, my name is Victoria and I read your story about herpes. I was diagnosed two months ago and I’m still having a hard time. I have only had 2 serious boyfriends in the past and they had NOTHING, but then I started dating a new guy I knew it was from him because I got symptoms right after thinking it was a bad yeast infection. I told my mom that I had to go to my gyn doctor and they took my blood and the result came out positive for Herpes. I was devastated because I am a good girl, I neverrrr sleep around! I just couldn’t believe this was happening to me. My mom has been my biggest supporter and that is how I am getting through this. If it wasn’t for her, I don’t know what I would do! I have not told my dad and I plan not too because I am a adult and it’s my decision if I want to or not and my mom agrees. I did confront the guy and he denies he has it and never had any signs of it.. He did get tested (as I know) and he said it came back negative, but for some reason I don’t believe him because every symptom started after him. I can’t pick at people because I already have this virus and it’s not going to go away, if I find out who gave it to me. The thing I worry about the most is meeting someone in the future and telling them I have herpes and being rejected. I hope someone will love me, no matter what, and this minor virus doesn’t bother them! I had to message you because our stories are identical and I feel we can help each other out and support each other and get to know one another!
I hope you are doing well! My question is how did your husband react when you told him because I am so scared to tell my future partner when that time comes, plus have you ever given him the virus? I’m scared for that too because I would never want to put someone at risk :/….Thank you and looking forward to hearing from you!
Well… I don’t even know where to begin. I’m 19. I’m confused. I’m upset. I can’t help but ponder endlessly about my future. I’m still waiting on my results but I am 300% positive I have oral and genital herpes. Both thriving as I type this. It’s been about 4 days since the first, “Oh my God, what is that?”. It’s been nothing but agony and tears since. I’ve been with my boyfriend, Rich, for almost 6 months. He has been a God-sent angel throughout this. He is much older than me and in my eyes, the most beautiful man on the planet.
On January 30th Rich and I walked into my gyno office somewhat nonchalant. We waited for my name to be called, the one time I wouldnt have minded waiting hours in that uncomfortable chair. She called my name. We both walked into the room. I undressed. Waited some more. My fever and aches throughout my body seemed to escalate in those very moments. I saw in Richs eyes the hopeful dread of the answers that would follow. My gyno stepped in… wearing her usual smile. I lied down, warning her of how much pain I was in. Rich scooted his chair over, held my hand as tight as I held his. She slipped her swab into my vaginal hole and I screamed in pain. Rich watched my face as it became drenched with my tears. “It looks like herpes.”
My heart dropped. My world stopped. Everything had seemed different. My eyes so filled with tears, my head overflowing with questions. My gyno handed me a herpes facts sheet and some prescriptions and that was it. Rich had taken the time to speak to her before she left the room and reiterated to her that he would love me regardless. In the midst of my miserable state I saw this as something I was so incredibly lucky to have. If i were alone in that moment… ugh I cant even think about that.
Rich is going to get tested. We never had a doubt in each others minds that one of us was unfaithful. We have the most loving relationship. However before i had met him, I was pretty promiscuous. And he knows that. A young woman growing up without a supportive father figure has so much to do with my choices Ive made with men. I think about that constantly yet try not to blame.
So much has happened in the past 4 days. So much and so little at the same time. I, probably like most people/women, who’ve been diagnosed have been on the internet non stop and utterly freaking myself out about this. I’ve never been in so much pain emotionally and physically. Other peoples stories comfort me yet scare me to death about my future. My sex life, my career, my emotions, my privates. How could I ever be normal? If I have an outbreak, will it feel like this every time? My boyfriend loves rough sex and intimate encounters all the time, will that still be ok? Will sex trigger an ob? What will trigger and ob? I go to the gym alot and am/was before all of this happened am training for fitness competitions. Will i still be able to do that? Even with a vigorous training schedule? What if my outbreaks are frequent? How could I deal with this much emotional stress on a regular basis? I already have issues with my self esteem. My boyfriend says he will never leave me and that Im still beautiful but what if Im miserable everytime I have an outbreak? Could he handle that? Could I? I want to marry him. We live together, have dogs together. I hope and pray this doesnt take over my life.
I told my mother. She doesnt understand the virus and its capabilities but she wasnt upset.
I dont care much for the stigma since Im already with the man Ill marry. Ive told the two people who matter and thats all that will ever need to know.
The stigma goes as far as ones mind will let it. Everyone judges, no matter what. I say that herpes should have a different name and should not be called such an ugly one.
Currently my feelings are, even though I am surrounded by love, I feel alone. I feel scared about my future. I was always excited about my future and its all come to a halt. My career is bartending and Id say its a pretty stressful one so that scares me since ob’s tend to happen when ones stressed. My goal to to become a fitness model but I’m scared to train like i use to. I wear tight clothes and workout harder than most at my age. Im not worried about having children because I don’t know if I want any.
This first outbreak, I wouldnt wish upon anyone… no one. I have multiple sores, down there and on my lips. I have tonsillitis, my period, and my first wisdom tooth coming in. My main fears are if this will alter my relationship and if I am one of those with multiple outbreaks. I am praying. Hoping I am not. Im trying my hardest to be strong… I have no choice.
Id appreciate any feedback and support. Thank you all
Katie,
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. It is evident that you are a very bright woman with a fabulous future ahead of you. I promise you that in time, you will feel normal again and you won’t be on such an emotional roller coaster. Thank God that your boyfriend, Rich, was so supportive and that you sought out the support of your mother. You are already way ahead of the learning curve and have several things going for you.
1. Your intelligent
2. You have already shared your story with at least 2 other people who were supportive
3. You sought out the help of a medical professional
4. You got tested
5. You found our Pink Tent community, which can support you, educate you, and inspire you on your journey with herpes
6. You are very strong
I do think that if you put the time in to learning about herpes, you can learn to manage it naturally. I will be launching a teleseminar series very soon where you can call in and get educated about the holistic management of herpes and how to live and thrive with it. I also think that once you build up your immunity, you will be able to do everything that you once did. Don’t give up on your dreams. You can be a fitness model AND have children if you so desire.
Stay positive in your perspective and take the time you need to heal both physically and emotionally. You are an amazing woman, I just know it!
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr.Kelly
http://www.PinkTent.com
I’m 26 years old and I was diagnosed with herpes in February 2012. I also found out that I had HPV as well. Finding out was the most devastating news I ever heard in my life. Not one, but two incurable diseases. I felt beyond dirty, felt suicidal at times. The person I contracted herpes DENIED it. I felt angry and enraged. I felt like this person killed me. I literally died that day finding out. Then the anger shifted to myself. I should have known better. I asked God why, so many times! I started taking the medicine daily but was angry taking it. I started going to counseling at my church and began to seek healing. I did a healing exercise where I had to write a letter as the guy who gave me herpes, writing it to myself. It helped me so much to empathize with him and allow the forgiveness to take over. I started getting back into church and I’m truly dedicated myself to serving God. In the process of healing, I still have my struggles. I told my family and some of my friends, but as far as dating I shut down. I started dating guys, but the closer we get and the more they reveal themselves,I shut down. I make excuses to stop talking to them because I don’t want to tell them. I feel like God is calling me to share my testimony with the youth, but the fear of people knowing, scares me. I believe this quote, “God can take your mess and turn it into a message”. I believe it with all my heart, but I’m afraid of negativity. I started writing a screenplay about my experience and my counselor says it could be life changing, but my fear won’t allow me to release it. I’m a firm believer that God is a healer and he will heal me, so I stopped taking my medicine and just live by faith. I haven’t had an outbreak since my diagnosis. But I still don’t know the signs of a reoccurring outbreak. Everything is still new to me, but I’m truly at peace with it now. I’m approaching my one year anniversary and I thank God because this has brought me back to him. So I’m truly thankful and at peace with that. I pray everyday to find a spouse who is willing to love me, flaws and all. I want to have kids and I cry almost everyday just of the thought that I can’t have kids. But again I’m confident in my Lord. But I thank Dr. Kelly for this resource because I really don’t feel alone. It definitely feels good to share my story and not feel judged.
Tristian,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. You speak directly from your heart and it shows in your story. I totally understand all of the feelings you are feeling right now, for I’ve been there before. I just gave my baby girl a big hug and kiss as my husband takes her to bed, so that I could respond to your email. So, believe me when I say that there is a spouse out there who will love you and you CAN have healthy children. Do not allow herpes to rob you of your dreams! Madeline, our daughter, was born all naturally in the privacy of our own home. There was a time that I too thought that no one would love me if they knew I had herpes and that I would never be able to bear children naturally. Now that I am on the other side of those fears, I can speak to you, straight from my heart, and tell you that you can do it too. I know it!
I love your quote about how God can take your mess and turn it into a message. I knew that the day I was diagnosed and wrote in my journal that I would turn this horrible fate into something positive. I support you in your desire to help youth. They need your help! Imagine how they must be struggling, especially with their self esteem! When you are ready, I do believe that you will share your screen play. Take your journey one day at a time and keep your faith. Allow God to be your rock.
I feel like I know you and bet that other women do too. Thank you for sharing your story so that other women can build up enough confidence to share their story too. When in doubt, turn to your God and rediscover his boundless love for you.
I look forward to getting to know you more as our Pink Tent community expands. Stay tuned for the book launch and tele-seminar series to be announced very soon and again, thank you for being such a bright and shining light.
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr. Kelly
It has almost been a year since my diagnosis of HSV-1 genitals, and this has by far been the hardest year of my life. I contracted herpes from a inconsiderate boyfriend at the time, he knew he had it and I asked him honestly like I had asked all my previous partners and he told me that he had never had a thing. I was so upset when I found out I was diagnosed I didn’t tell a soul, just the guy. I was so upset with him because I am only 22, I have my whole life ahead of me and then this comes along. I went to 4 different doctors, and only 1 had told me I had it. I had taken multiple blood tests, etc, and nothing had shown up in my system. So I let it be, then I finally moved to a city and went to a few myself and pretty much I have decided myself that I did in fact contract this virus. I am alright with it right now, I mean it is hard, but I am stuck with it the rest of my life. I always wonder if people know because of a small town that I lived in, but no word has been said yet. I have tried to have relationships with guys but I am not ready for the rejection part of it. Before I contracted the virus I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone, but as you all know hsv-1 isn’t as intense as hsv-2. I have changed the way I think now, I am a more positive person and I know someday I will be able to tell someone about this, but I am grateful I didn’t contract HIV. I believe I am a better person now, and after a year I am alright with where I am. I hope for the best for all of you and it just helps to have this to talk to people who share the same condition as me.
-Thanks
Im 18 years old and have been recently diagnosed with herpes about a week and a half ago. When I was told I have this disease, I was very angry, upset, and confused. I automatically burst into tears. Cuss words came out uncontrollably.
I have a boyfriend and we’ve been together for almost a year. I started to question him and he swore up and down that it wasn’t from him, but I know the truth. I decided to stay with him anyway. I became very depressed. I was in terrible pain and emotionally unstable . I couldn’t go to work for a week. I felt hopeless, even worthless, I thought, “Who would want to be with me now?” The thought of only being 18 and getting this disease made me quite upset. I will have this for the rest of my life starting at only 18. I cried and cried for days. I questioned how could this happen to me. I know other people with herpes and I didn’t judge them, but it’s a whole new story when it’s happening to you. You never think it would happen to you.
Melissa,
I truly do feel for you and what you are going through right now. A herpes diagnosis is never easy to process. Know that you are not alone and that hundreds of millions of women around the world are infected. I think one of the best things I can tell you is that over time you can heal emotionally and learn how to manage your symptoms. I have had tons of women tell me that when they had “the Talk” with a potential partner they were shocked to discover that their partner had herpes or when they were open to getting tested they were surprised to receive a positive diagnosis.
The fact that you did not judge your friends with herpes tells me a lot about your maturity. These friends might be able to offer you some great support and I encourage you to reach out to them. There are several resources including http://www.ashastd.org and MTV’s Get Yourself Tested website at http://www.itsyoursexlife.com/gyt/
I hope to launch my book on Valentine’s Day and can’t wait to share this information with you. In the meantime, there are 5 mini books I have written on herpes management on Amazon that might be able to support you right now. You can download them right to your computer by just adding the free Kindle app on your computer. Check them out at http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=dr+kelly+schuh
I hope this helps.
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr. Kelly
All this time I thought I have shingles. When I researched all the symptoms I guess I was in denial that it was indeed a case of Herpes. My doctors did not pursue other blood tests. But in the back of my mind it could be sexually transmitted disease. First outbreak happened 3 years ago, so many things going on my mind. I was so scared and would rather not know the truth. So many symptoms that previous doctors failed to diagnose what disease struck me.
It’s nobody’s fault. I was in a very unhappy marriage and was afraid to leave, lose the big house and nowhere to go. So afraid to leave a comfortable life. So I secretly dated men from Craigslist, Ashley Madison and other dating websites. I was careless. I thought it’s okay to do unprotected sex as long as you choose your partner carefully. I was very wrong.
My family doesn’t know except for one grown up niece who I loved so dearly. None of my friends know. I can not trust anyone. People will judge me. They will stay away from me. I will lose the respect and admiration of all the people around me. I don’t want that to happen. I’d rather keep this secret for the rest of my life.
I remained strong both physically and emotionally. I will fight this disease. I won’t let this rule my life. Life is still good. I believe God gave this trial to me for a reason.
I am on prophylaxis, taking my medication everyday. If there is a consolation, there is a fading scar in my behind. Other than that I look normal. I take care of myself really well. Trying to eat more veggies and fruits, avoiding fatty and high sugar foods, sleeping 7 hours or more, exercising regularly but not too much, staying positive, staying happy and avoiding stress or depression. Taking care of myself is my priority now. I want to live a normal life, not dwelling on negative thoughts. I pray that I stay healthy with the help of my medication and hope that i don’t get worse.
Hi – This is my story.
I contracted this awful disease 6 years ago. I was with a man I loved and trusted deeply for over a year. When I found out I was devastated, feeling dirty and like damaged goods. I told him tearfully, and he expressed love so great for me that he came over to make love to me while I was still in breakout mode. It made me love him more, because he showed me that he did not care if he caught, and essentially put himself in a position where he would most likely catch it. 6 months later I found out he had it FOR 12 YEARS. It broke my heart not only because he knowingly put me at risk, but also that he let me believe that I gave it to HIM.
I stayed with him because I was scared to be single again and have to deal with this. I stayed for 6 more years. It was a rocky road of him lying, cheating and hiring prostitutes. It killed my self esteem. I finally broke it off with him 6 months ago. He found someone else within two weeks and after just 4 1/2 months they are already living together. It still devastates me.
I feel as if I will never find love again. It’s hard enough to find someone, but to have to explain this “gift” makes it even harder. I have no self worth left or self esteem enough to even know where to begin to look. It angers me that he found someone so soon after – and apparently she does not care (or does not believe) that he has it. I feel that it is SO unfair that I was the victim here and that I am left to pick up the pieces.
I have searched the personals for people with H with no luck. Either the sites have very few members near me – or there is just no one that I think I would even begin to click with. Here it is 6 years later and I am still battling with my depression with having this, and I see no end in sight. I, too, have considered suicide…but I have children and they have kept me going.
I can only hope that one day I can come back here to post that I found the love of my life who accepts me for who I am, faults, damages and all, but for now I don’t see that happening. I do find some comfort in knowing that there are others out there that feel the same, but it still feels like I am damaged goods now. Not only physically, but now mentally as well – because yes the mental toll it takes on a person is even worse than the physical toll.
Thank you for sharing all of your heartfelt stories. The stigma that goes along with this disease is a deep rooted and disgusting one. I myself, don’t even know if I would stay with someone who declared that they had it, unless I knew it was for a long term situation (marriage). God Bless us all.
Hello everyone I am 23 years old and a college student. I was told I have this virus shortly after I found out I was pregnant with my first child. The person that gave me this virus was also the father of my baby. When I told him he had stated he wanted nothing to do with me. In a two week time period I had gotten laid-off from my job, told that I have type-2 herpes, found I was pregnant, and with all the stress I lost my baby. I am angry sometimes, but more so at losing my child than anything and I still struggle with it. The herpes I found is managable, and that my body is managing it very well. To be born without a thyroid I was so scared that my body wouldn’t be agreeable with the virus. That I would be one of the ones that suffer month to month. I’m happy to announce that I have only had two outbreaks since june.However, I won’t sit here and tell you every now and then I don’t break down and cry, I do. I can’t understand that the girl who had such good examples of what not to do in her life wound up with an STD. I don’t know how I can look my nieces ( I have 3 —> 17, 13, and 10) in the eye and be the role model they need. How could I? I feel like a hypocrite, and my older brother and best friend still doesn’t know. I can’t bring myself to tell him that I have this. I can’t bear to see the shame in his eyes. He is the one person I always go to, and know that i’m safe from judgement, but not this. I rather tell him i’m pregnant and have to drop out of college, and in fact I did. That is the hardest issue I am having. I can live with the fact that I have this, but I can’t live with the fact that I can’t be the role model my three little nieces need. I can’t be that 22 year old that had her whole life ahead of her with no baggage. I can’t live with the fact that I may never find a man to accept me with this virus. I don’t know how to cope with that just yet, and I could use some advice from anyone willing to share it. Thank you in advance
I was diagnosed with HSV-1 yesterday. I was home sick with the flu when I got the call. I am completely heartbroken and overwhelmed.
I contracted herpes from my husband. We engaged in oral sexual intercourse about 2 weeks ago and a few days later he had an HSV-1 outbreak on his lip. I started getting intensely itchy in my vaginal area and had some other symptoms that were typical of yeast infection (I had no blisters at this time) so I treated for that. The topical cream caused intense burning externally so I discontinued use of the cream. I continued using the ovules. A few days later I was experiencing pain while urinating so I “took a look” and noticed what appeared to be a contact dermatitis where I had applied the cream. There was also a small clump of three vesicles on one side of my labia majora. At this time I made a doctor’s appointment.
I went to the doctor and was told what I had suspected, the two long lesions on either labia majora were a contact dermatitis from the cream but she was concerned about the cluster of lesions on the one side. I was swabbed and the swab was sent for testing. I was told that I would be notified by the nurse ONLY if the results came back as positive. When I saw the number come up on the screen my heart sank to the floor. I knew what I was about to be told.
I do not know where to go from here. I feel dirty. I feel tainted. I feel alone. My husband is having a hard time dealing with the fact that he gave me something that will never go away. He has withdrawn from me which makes me feel even dirtier and more alone. This diagnosis has SERIOUSLY affected my relationship with my husband and my own psyche. I feel that when people look at me, they “know.” It is a terribly lonely feeling. I am in great need of support.
I feel angry at my husband. I feel that he should have known that he had an outbreak coming and that he should have stayed away. I feel like I have been betrayed by the person I am supposed to trust most in the world.
I do not know how to manage symptoms. Before I went to the doctor, I was applying Docosanol topical cream and I suppose that seemed to help. I need to know what I can do to manage symptoms.
I am so worried that this diagnosis will take away my dream of having a large family. I have a gorgeous six month old daughter. I looked at her yesterday after I hung up the phone and burst into tears because I am very afraid that I will be one of the few people that has SEVERE complications with herpes. I have always only wanted to be a stay at home wife and mother. The dream was already partially shattered- I had to return to work because of my husband’s debt problems. I was counting on having more children and now I am so terrified that I will NEVER be able to realize my dream.
I need help.
Please.
I do not know where to go from here.
Amanda,
My heart goes out to you! You are not alone! Research is now showing us that in upwards of 60-90% of the American population carries the antibodies for HSV-1. In other words, 60-90% of Americans have HSV-1 (herpes simplex virus). Just sit with that for a second. It’s true! The unfortunate fact about herpes that most people don’t know is that 85% of people who have it don’t know it! This is why it is paramount that you give your husband a break. He may not have felt there were any symptoms coming on. In addition, he may not have known that oral sex can lead to a genital outbreak. There are even health care professionals that don’t know this. I hope that you two can work through this. Maybe you should consider getting some counseling. It breaks my heart that a virus is coming between the two of you and yet I can totally see why. He feels guilty and you are feeling lots of anger and confusion. Please don’t let this ruin your marriage! My guess is that you can trust your husband and that he would turn back time to re-write this history if he could. Open communication and the sharing of your feelings of shame, betrayal, and fear is so important. And….don’t forget to share how much you love him!
Focus your attention on your daughter and her pure love and joy. She can be part of your healing. I suggest that you purchase my mini books, Pregnancy and Herpes: What Every Woman Needs to Know, http://tinyurl.com/cmve5tc, and The Healing Power of Forgiveness: How Do You Forgive Someone For Infecting You With An STD, http://tinyurl.com/cc3ukhv on Amazon. (they can be downloaded directly to your computer). Your dreams of a larger family are totally within your reach. Read the statistics, allow them to empower you, and then
DREAM BIG!!!!
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr. Kelly
I contracted gential herpes 8 months ago. I contracted it from my boyfriend who was cheating on me and who has it and chose to not reveal this information to me. I am a professional 47 year old, I have two beautiful kids and a wonderful life, except for this. Having herpes made me feel scared, hopeless, lost, and for a short minute thought my life was over. I felt like I would just not be able to handle if people knew this secret about me. I have only told 3 people in my life; my brother, and two trusted friends. I have always taken really good care of myself, except for this. I use Valtrex, which helps, but I have had a small outbreak and many maybes?? Itchy and tingling, but no sores. I take immune support olive leaf complex stuff and lysine on a daily baises and try to not do a lot of really stressful exersices, although this is a difficult task, because I am a personal fitness trainer. It seems to be working ok. Well, I have no relationship now and I worry if I will ever have the nerve to reveal this information to someone. I worry about my ex telling people I have herpes. It has made me paranoid, about “who” knows.
I have searched the internet for support groups and your site is so open and has helped my acceptance grow. I admire your strentgh and your positive message. I have also bought two other manuals you have written, and they have both helped me in my mental healing. I too would like to help women who have herpes, I have come a long way, I feel good about myself and know that I am not herpes, that’s not my story, it’s a very small part of my story. From your story I have learned that I can haved a beautiful fulfilling life that is full of love and yes, someday a partner, although I still have a ways to go. I have learned that I will always take care of myself all aspects and yes , sexually! I will ask my next partner to get tested even if he says no, I don’t have std’s. I have learned about the herpes virus, how it effects the body and how it can have devasting effects to a person psyche. For me, it’s worse that the physical symptoms! I’m in graduate school and studying to be a therapist. One aspect of my practice will help women who have been diagnosed with std’s or other diseases. I know the pain, that comes with the loss of ones health, and then the stigma that is attached to stds. I was one of those people who said oh he/she has herpes, oh I don’t know about that, I now know about “that”. And you can be happy and healthy with herpes, I believe it just takes knowing the real facts about the virus, time, love and support.
I would tell a newly diagnosed woman that you are not alone, there’s so many of us out there! All walks of life, rich, poor, old, young and that it gets better! Everyday I feel better physically and mentally, thanks to your honesty, the books you have written, your utube information and your site!
How to eliminate the stigma of herpes?? I need to do this … come out and talk about it, to friends, family, youth. I will have this conversation with my kids when they are old enough.
Thank you for letting me know there is not just a life after this diagnosis, but a happy healthy great life with love after herpes (have not gotten there yet, but I will) and thanks for helping me take the stigma of herpes off me and the virus!!!
June,
I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis, but I must say that you are an extremely strong and intelligent woman. It is evident that you have done your research on herpes and that you are very knowledgeable about the subject. Knowledge is power and yet even with all the knowledge in the world about herpes, there is and always will be the emotional journey and healing.
I am thrilled that you have found a few of my mini books to be empowering. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. When we can share, we don’t feel so alone. I guarantee that your sharing and words of encouragement will make a huge impact in another woman’s life. Your personal journey will make you a better therapist to others who share a similar past. Your intentions and mere presence will draw many to you who are seeking a place of refuge and assistance.
The stigma of herpes can sometimes seem insurmountable, but dear, you are doing the work. Your evolving acceptance will help to break the silence for others. Eventually, herpes will be better understood and accepted.
Again, thank you for sharing. Please stay in touch and I hope you will continue to be a part of our Pink Tent community.
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr. Kelly
Yeah, it’s so hard..so why didn’t they try to cure it for good? They might not have caught it in time? but no, they didn’t. Why’s that? I don’t really have a computer, so it’s hard for me to get on the web..and she is still in school and we are so scared and worry about trying again for kids..now.and I have nothing..could it be the doctor’s fault she got it from their tools? How long should we wait to try to have kids after a diagnosis? Does this mean we can’t have oral sex anymore? Do you have a book we can get from you so we both can read it? How much will it be and do you need my address?
James,
A new diagnosis of herpes leaves us with many questions. Your doctor, unfortunately, could not have cured your fiancé’s herpes even if it were caught earlier. There is no cure for herpes and once you have it, you’ll always have it. The good news is that it can easily be managed. I do not think your doctor gave her herpes either. Doctor’s use sterilized equipment and are required to use gloves before examining a patient. As far as conceiving a child, herpes will in no way affect your fiancé’s fertility or her ability to carry a child to full term. In addition, the chances of passing herpes onto an unborn child is very rare. I highly suggest you check out my book, Pregnancy and Herpes: What Every Woman Needs To Know. It can be found on Amazon at http://tinyurl.com/cmve5tc for $2.99 (You don’t need an address because you can download it and print it out. You can use your local library if you don’t have a computer) As soon as your fiancé heals from the sores, you should be able to try again for another baby. As far as oral sex goes, you will be able to have oral sex again in the future. This is covered in both the Pregnancy book and my new book, to be released soon. Many blessings to you.
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr. Kelly
Dr. Kelly, I know your web page is for women, but me and my fiancé went to her doctor on Friday morning and got two bad pieces of news..one, she just lost our baby, and two, she has herpes too…We both are in shock and don’t know what to do. It’s so hard right now. She is in so much pain. It has been hurting her for two days now and she can’t bear to go to the bathroom. We know we can over come it, but it is so hard right now. We don’t even know how she got it. I don’t think she got it from me because now I am kind of starting to feel sick. We both need some help. It’s going away now. What she is on is helping…
James,
I am so sorry to hear of your bad news. Losing a baby is gut wrenching and to find out that you have herpes on the same day is even more challenging. Your fiancé is going through a lot right now and she is so lucky to have you. Spend lots of time comforting one another and know that you will get through this. There will be light at the end of the tunnel.
If it still hurts to urinate, have her do so in a tub of cold water. That really helps the stinging. She can also start taking some vitamin C and garlic to help her body build up her immunity to the virus. In addition, she can put ice on the sores where it hurts to decrease the pain. There are several other things you will learn about herpes, but focusing on healing is the most important thing right now.
If you would like to learn a little bit more, I have some mini books on http://www.amazon.com. You can search for Dr. Kelly Schuh and the books will show up. You can download them right on your computer. Also, my book and teleseminar will be out soon. I will keep you posted.
Many Blessings,
Dr. Kelly
I am 18 years old I was told I had herpes at the age of 17. It’s been almost a year that I’ve had it. I still haven’t accepted the fact I fell in love and we were together for 2 years. I found out he had another girlfriend a little while after I found out I had HSV-2. I still stuck around, even though I knew about this other girl. She wouldn’t ever believe me that he gave me herpes and still wouldn’t till this day. I stress myself out over this situation. At my age, I shouldn’t have any worries, but I do. I was on birth control for while, then my stress came and it messed up my birth control to the point where I had bleeding for 7 months straight without any stopping. My x and I recently broke up and I’m still trying to get over him. It’s so hard. I don’t want to have to go through telling another man what I have or even somebody finding out. When I found out about me having it I dropped out of high school my senior year and never finished school. I can’t find a job because I have no motivation anymore. I’m to the point where I lay in bed everyday, all day. My x is threatened to tell everybody what I have, even though it would make him look stupid too. I need advice. I can’t stand to live at this point.
Samantha,
I am so sorry to hear of your struggles. The fears you are experiencing are normal and natural. Many women who are diagnosed with herpes fear that someone they have confided in will tell the whole world about your diagnosis. While this fear is real for you, you must learn to place your energy and focus on healing and moving through these challenging times. I promise you that you are not alone and that there are millions of other women out there just like you. Don’t be a victim to herpes. You are stronger and smarter than that. Did you know that herpes is the same virus that causes cold sores, chickenpox and mono? Think about that! How many people do you know that have had one of these things? When you think of it that way, it doesn’t seem so overwhelming….and each and every one of those people carries the herpes virus in their bodies too! There is a whole world out there for you to experience. Please, don’t allow herpes to ruin your life! I encourage you to join a support group (you can find information now at http://www.ashastd.org/std-sti/Herpes/support-groups.html In addition, I will be hosting a teleseminar soon, so stay posted. If you are from the Denver/Metro area of Colorado, check out our non-profit at http://www.ColoradoHClub.com
You must be strong and call upon your inner strength. Reach out to some form of support and get yourself around other people who are going through the same thing. And finally, figure out a way to get your GED. Now’s the time! If your don’t, you will regret it for the rest of your life. It will position you in a better place to get a job and it will help you get your mind off of herpes. It will also help you to rebuild your self confidence.
Now, take a deep breath and know that you are loved and supported.
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr. Kelly
Its been officially one day that I recieved the diagnosis that I have herpes. I’m still in complete shock. as a medical professional who has taken percautions and know the risk involved still can’t cope with the fact that this has happened to me. I am still waiting for blood test results to see if this is a new infection or something I may have been carrying for years and just didn’t know it. I really believe it was from my recent sexual encounter and silly me for not asking more questions even though he was someone I knew and had been with before. I still have to tell him and not sure how my family will look at me now. I have now in my mind that I will never be married or have kids. I’ve only had one boyfriend my entire life and it kills me to think I will never know what true love is. Reading things on the internet some of it is comforting and some not, not sure how to feel right now. I’ve spent the last week depressed b/c I knew this was going to be my diagnosis. Trying not to drink myself into a further depression. I really wish I could talk to someone in person about this. The Doctor I saw was very compasionate and that helped a lot, but why me. I keep acting the same thing and blaming myself for not asking enough questions before having sex. This part of my life I feel is completely over. I will never have sex again. I’m newly diagnosed and still have a lot of questions and realize suicide isn’t the answer. But I think about it often. I just want to understand more about it and how to deal with it. I’m going away for the weekend to spend time with my family I’m hoping this will help.
My name is Nikki and I am 24 weeks pregnant. A few days ago I went to my Gyno to have him look at a scratch on my private area, I go in thinking that everything is fine. Unfortunately, he said it had looked like herpes! I was in total shock. It all started when I had to take amoxicillon for a tooth infection which then caused a yeast infection and of course I scratched A LOT! I couldn’t handle it and now I end up with a scratch and now he is telling me it looks like herpes. He did do a culture but I didn’t get the results back yet. I did some research on herpes and the symptoms didn’t really match mine. If it is herpes it doesn’t hurt one bit it only hurts when I pee and thats because my pee comes into contact with the scratch or herpes. I havent had any flu symtoms or headaches. I just don’t see how its herpes. Can someone please get back to me and tell me what you think. I have been worried about this it is literally making me sick
thanks
-Nikki
Since I have last shared my story, I have received my results and it came back positive for HSV1 &2. Since then I have gotten ‘crazy’ and back. I could not function in society. I immediately became depressed and unfortunately suicidal. I have sought counselling and I am better but still trying to come to terms with the diagnosis 3 months later. There are time when I have good days and times when I have bad days. I try to have a positive outlook on life and that I am going through this for a reason. But its hard especially in Jamaica where not much is said about the virus, no support groups, nothing and to make life harder my sister prances around because she in love and enjoying life. It just makes me sad because I wanted that.
Now I am determined to be like you Dr Kelly, that one day I will be able to Live Love and Thrive with herpes. I just want to be happy again and not be so depressed and crying everyday. I want to meet someone who understands what I am going through and be able to support each other.
I get hope in the stories of how people continue their lives and hope my story doesn’t discourage anyone, this is how i reacted to the diagnosis but not necessarily how you will. I just need to learn how to be thick-skinned.
I contracted hsv2 after I discovered my live-in boyfriend, who was someone i knew for 25 years prior to becoming romantically involved with, starting cheating on me with prostitutes. I immediately made a gyno appointed and was tested for everything. Everything was negative except hsv2 (and my Igg level was way above the false positive range). I was devestated. I felt ugly, dirty, and undesirable. Not to mention, I used to be one of the people who made jokes about herpes in college. I thought, “how can this happen to me?”. I cried for weeks… months.. and still, after 2 years, I still get upset with that fact that “i have herpes”, but time has healed.
I never had symptoms that I knew for sure were genital herpes. A little itch there, and little pimple there, maybe something that looked like bug bite, etc. Therefore, physically, this virus has not affected me. I did go on suppressive therapy right after being diagnosed just for a piece fo mind. I just keep a healthy diet, try to exercise frequently, focus on destressing my life (relaxation, funny movies, reading, surrounding myself with people who make me smile).
During the time I was diagnosed, I was in contact with an ex bf from college. He was the first person I told about my diagnosis. I actually called him right after i got off the phone with my gyno. He didnt care and even said “I have waited so long to be back in a relationship with you, and something like this is not going to stop us from being together.” He even told me that one of his friends has herpes and its really not a big deal. We are still together, and we use condoms, sometimes we dont, he isnt concerned with the virus as much as I am. People who love each other go through a lot together, they experience grief, sickness, job layoffs, etc… herpes is really such a small thing in the grand scheme of life.
I have learned that there are worse things in life than hsv2. There are people with cancer, people who are disfigured in accidents, people who have kidnapped children in the world. I have learned that “everyone carries a cross”.. everyone has that one thing that they struggle with. I have also learned that the people who I told about my diagnosis, mom/dad/brother, some good friends, are really there for me unconditionally. Sometimes someone has to go through something a little devastating to realize who is really there. I regret telling certain friends about the diagnosis because I am more paranoid about people judging me than anything else. So I kinda wish now, looking back that I didnt tell anyone except my family and bf.
I would tell a newly diagnosed woman that this might sound like the worse thing in the world right now, but its not. My gyno told me, especially after i was cheated on by a man who was sleeping with prostitutes, “consider yourself lucky”..and those words really have stuck with me. My other primary doctor told me “I have this herpes conversation with a least 3 people a week, its incredibly common, and people just like you (young professionals) are going through the same thing, its normal, your normal”… those words replay in my head constantly and it has helped.
Im okay with my diagnosis now.. I do struggle with “herpes jokes” and how other people stigmatize herpes.. I avoid certain tv shows, movies, comedy clubs, where i think the word “herpes” will be mentioned. Hopefully that gets better over time.
To eliminate the stigma I think a better health or sex education program in high school classrooms needs to be implimented. I think a lot of people newly diagnosed just think of the nasty pictures in senior health class and that is where the stigma comes from. Plus, the health classes are being taught by teachers who believe the stigma as well. I think high school kids need to discuss or start thinking about “what happens WHEN you do get an STI”.. “what does this mean for your future”..etc.. instead of scaring kids to death about it. If I learned in school that herpes wasnt that serious, I would have taken the news better. Herpes something no one wants, but hey if ya get it, its not the end of the world.
Thank you Dr. Kelly for doing what you are. It is very inspiring!
I was diagnosed in 2005 while I was supporting my now ex while he was in school in Phoenix. I was all alone, no friends, no family with me and thought my life was over. My ex knew he had herpes and we had been together 2 years before I had an outbreak and was diagnosed. I felt so betrayed and hurt. I moved back home with him and ended up marrying him because I thought, I’m damaged goods now and who will ever want to be with me…I WAS MISERABLE!!!!!!!!!!
I spent 7 years of my life with him, and now I am 33, free and HAPPY!!!! I moved away from him after I found out he was cheating on me…thank god I didn’t contract anything else from him.
I decided one day that I was NOT going to let this disease control my life. I practice yoga, eat healthy and have a positive outlook on things and have not had an outbreak in over a year and take NO medication. I am starting to get back into the dating world so I know that it will be difficult trying to explain what I have to someone. We all have to remember this disease it NOT WHO WE ARE…it is a PART of us and we must embrace and teach others so this horrible stigma associated with this STI becomes obsolete!
I contacted herpes when I was 21 years old, my boyfriend was unfaithful.
I was dealing with two emotions at the same time betrayal, and untouchable for future relationships.
I have tried yoga, exercise, meditation, vitamins, healthy food choices, lysine, valtrax, counseling, organic honey, and Epsom salt baths and yet, I have not been able to manage the symptoms. Every month during my cycle I have a breakout, for 28 years. I am happily married, my husband has not been affected by this virus, he has be affected emotionally.I suffer every month for about 8 to 10 days per month, it puts limitations on my life, prior to the outbreak is the most difficult, I am unable to do the things I enjoy doing. I have learned that only a percentage of individuals who have herpes are able to control a breakout with medicine. Find someone who you can share your emotions with. Please remain positive, and hopeful that you can have a quality life. I have mixed emotions – when I have a outbreak and am sick I feel powerless, hopeless and disappointed. As soon as a sore appears my physical condition improves, as does my emotionally spirit. When I ACCEPT THIS VIRUS and repeat positive affirmations, ‘this too shall pass” I feel better emotionally. I give myself permission to rest and set healthy boundaries. I try to give my children and husband a small amount of my energy without pulling them into my emotions. I believe in God and often surrender my powerlessness of trying to control this virus. Most of the time my mantra is: to take care of myself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I wish I would have known that during a relationship you should use protection.I would like to have a solution to control outbreaks.
I do not yet know for sure if I have herpes yet or not. I’ve been in a new relationship with an amazing man. We’ve been together for half a year now and I’ve been to the doctor twice for a UTI since I’ve been with him. Also, I have had vaginitis and sometimes it would be painful having intercourse(not long after he and I started engaging in sexual intercourse). I told him about it, but we never thought anything of it. I thought it was just “aches and pains”. We had a convo about STDs and when was the last time we both got tested. He said he hadn’t been tested in a good year or so, and that’s when the anxiety kicked it. Especially since I already knew he had been with other girls while he was single before we got into a relationiship. I thought it was an STD, but not for one second did I think out of all things it would be Herpes. Yesterday, I went to my OBGYN to get tested just to be safe. When I went there she found a lesion on my genital area in the same spot that I would complain about pain about during intercourse. I had no idea it was there because I dont really just examine that area like that. I have to wait to get my results back, but I’m pretty sure I have it. I think this is the point in my life that I have finally reached rock bottom. As a young adult like, myself and my boyfriend, we think were invincible. We just go with the flow of life not thinking about the consequences of our actions. But I guess that’s life, and the only thing you can do is learn from your mistakes and become a better person.
Initial Diagnosis:
I contracted herpes in 2004 from my soon to be ex husband. I got sick a few weeks prior and did not know why. My body was aching. I felt like I had the flu. I was in pain. I was popping pills daily just to function and the pain would not go away. I finally took left work one night and headed straight to the Emergency room because the pain had got worse. After doping me with a morphine cocktail, the doctor said I have a pelvic infection and I have herpes. I was in shock. I drove home, confronted my ex, he claimed I was cheating on him,, when I was faithful to him since I was 18 years old. I had opportunities to cheat, but I did not. (I did cheat later after diagnosis).
What I tried:
During the two years, I tried all sorts of remedies: valtrex; scratching; alcohol; baby powder; lysine; St Johns Wort; Vitamin C; Witch Hazel; clinical trials; peroxide etc. I eventually developed my own system from methods, which worked. I developed Stacie’s CVS plan: neosporin for itching; herpecin or camphophenique cold sore cream for blisters; baby wipes for when i do have an outbreak; and peroxide as an alternative.
How affected life and relationships/What have I learned:
At first, I was in shock. I moved to denial. I could not believe I was faithful and still could contract an STD. I have no idea if my ex has it because he never talked about it. It took having a miscarriage in 2005 to finally start to come to grips with it. I did not tell anyone I had herpes until year 2 other than my ex and my doctor. My conscious was eating away big time. When I had the miscarriage, I had to come to grip with a lot of pent up feelings and decided to finally accept my diagnosis and start telling people. I also started researching more about herpes and joining support groups online. I also started my own because I was not comfortable talking with people yet. I was more introverted then. I never been big on dating and relationships but herpes has allowed me to be more open with men and express my feelings more. It also brought me out of my shell a little bit after attending events/socials. I learned herpes is not so bad and it is just the occasional outbreak every now and then.
What would I tell a newly diagnosed woman:
it will be ok. get a journal-write down your feelings and triggers. Don’t have sex or date until you have accepted your diagnosis. the first year or two is always the hardest.
I think this is an awesome website to help individuals cope with this disease!
I am a 28 year old woman from Indiana who has a 12 year old daughter. I was just visually diagnosed with Herpes this morning at the STD clinic. Though the cultures were just taken the Doctor there was very sure I have herpes. I may still be in shock but have broken down and cried. I always felt I had been rather responsible about my sex life by using protection. I guess it wasn’t enough. Now I realize there must be a lifestyle change, and it must happen immediately. I realized this morning that I now carry a large responsibility that comes along with this disease in order not to spread it and to keep myself as healthy and happy as possible. Honestly, even though I can recognize the logical side to this I am just so emotional about the whole situation.
Part of me thinks, how can this happen to me? I’m educated, intelligent, a great mother, pretty, active and a good person all around. Then the other part thinks; Herpes doesn’t care who you are, just that you came in contact with it. I’m uncomfortable, in pain with my first outbreak at the moment, emotionally distraught, and scared of the first time I have to tell someone I want to sleep with. I’m wishing that I was never so open about sex in the first place. I’m scared and have no one to be angry with but myself. Yet I know I can’t keep that anger, it’s unhealthy and harmful. I know this probably sounds like a mess and unclear, but I’m a mess right now, my emotions are a mess.
I’m hoping to figure out what I can do to keep this disease at bay, control the outbreaks and keep from having a breakdown.
Nicole
I have had herpes for a little over two years now. I never thought this could happen to me, it was a carless mistake that could’ve been prevented. Realizing I could not change the past, I’ve taken a perscription drug for the virus everyday- ever since. I am now 18 and expecting my first child!!!!!
I’m in search of natural ways to subside the virus and build my immune system, that way I wont have an outbreak before delivering my little bundle of joy! Please help! I would like to add that anyone who has this virus-do NOT be ashamed.
One of my biggest fears is now a reality. I never thought it would happen to me. I was celibate 2 years and finally was ready to step out into the world and share some love. Until that point, I had experiences and wasn’t always safe and thankfully I was clean. So this time around I wanted to be safe and picky. I am currently a 30 yr old jewish girl. I started talking to this guy about 7 months ago and we became intimate fast. We were safe and used protection all the time with the exception of a slip off that lasted a moment; otherwise all was clean and clear. I ended up going away for 2 months and didn’t engage in any activity with anyone else. When I got back we met up and had an intimate moment. We used protection, but there was one moment where we touched skin to skin, which lasted no more then 2 minutes. It was all it took to transfer this invisible virus. Next think I knew, it was 5 days later and a bump presented itself and I thought it was an ingrown hair, so I touched it and hoped it would go away. I exercised, which irritated it and then I woke up in serious pain. It had spread and I needed to see the Dr ASAP. She didn’t have to tell me what it was, I knew it was happening to me and the fear was much worse then the truth. It took me 3 weeks to heal from the initial outbreak. It was so painful and I was super diheartened and distraught; emotionally, mentally and physically. I felt like my life was over and I may as well die. Who will ever want to be with me now? I called the guy and he was dumb founded. He didnt think he had anything and never had an outbreak. He went to get tested and said it all tested negative. Hmmm, so where did this come from and why now? Where did I go wrong? I thought to myself, how did this happen to me? I know people who were far more promiscuous and all over the place and they seem to be fine, but I come off a 2 year hiatus and boom, I get hit with HSV2.. wow.. pinch me. This happened 4 months ago, but I feel like it’s been a lifetime. I have tried the medicine and still take acyclovir orally to suppress it. It won’t leave me alone and I have changed my diet, cut out chocolate, nuts, caffeine, everything they say. I stopped smoking after 15 years, at least this got me to change my ways and cut out addiction. I bought Dynamiclear which helped topically to clear up the sores right away with one application. I have worked with a healer who helped with some other aspects, but I still continued to break out. I was experiencing some deep seated anger. Out of no where, internally, I would experience rage that I just couldn’t let go of and couldn’t shake, then an outbreak would appear and I would get a period for 2 weeks, then a yeast infection from the medicine. The past 4 months have been a learning experience to say the least and my worst fear has come to life. I walk around like I’m holding in this secret. I just want to know who else is carrying this secret and how we can heal and help each other get through this. I do talk about it and bring attention to others in different ways and it’s amazing how unaware people are and how no one wants to share and talk about it. I have learned that I am not alone and it is just about taking a stand and loving myself is the only way I will heal. Just the other day I got a call from the guy I was seeing and guess what? He got his 1st known outbreak. In a very strange way, I had to educate him and help him. It gave me peace to say all I needed to say and realize that he possibly wasn’t aware he had it and I can’t go back, I can only walk forward. I can take the positive and somehow share it with the world and prevent others from spreading it. I feel like that is my duty now, to share with others so hopefully they won’t be so quick to get naked with others that they don’t know or have not been tested. Sex is not free anymore. It can be very costly and come with many consequences. I wish I had known that it can happen from skin to skin and I was more educated on it and to not believe what others say till I see it on paper. I would let other woman know that they are not alone and in some strange way this is given to us to learn to love ourselves and heal in ways we were not aware of and that more people then we even know have it. And from the bottom of my heart I do believe it can be cured. I will not accept this as a life long disease, but as a challenge to heal myself of it. Having a background in energy work for 10 years I have seen so many miracles happen and this is just one more yet to be one. Love, Light, Faith, courage, strength, determination and compassion. Blessings
I was 22 years old and very naive. I started to date a guy at the time who seemed perfectly normal and we became sexually active. 2 weeks after we had become sexually active I had painful lesions on my lil girl. I was so scared and confused. Of course I brought it to his attention and he acted as if it was not a big deal. He told me that it was okay and that many people were affected by this virus. He never told me that he was positive for it, but as easily as he had accepted it-I knew. To make it worse-he had extremely small lesions on his hands that I was not aware of-I then had a break out on my hands from holding his hands. I was an emotional mess. To make things worse-he became emotionally and physically abusive. I tolerated it for about 9 months. It took me that long to leave because I was so depressed and scared of the whole situation. To look back 15 years ago it saddens me the same and while Im writing this I cant help but just cry. I do, however, feel very fortunate. I have been married to a wonderful man for 14 years now, we have two beautiful kids together. And he is very supportive of me. I couldn’t ask for anything more. Every now and then I have a breakout-usually on my hands. That is when I usually feel depressed and still do alot of crying. These breakouts usually happen if I’ve been sick, really stressed, or my hands are dry/cracked. But when I have a breakout-I get zapping feeling throughout my body. Which tends to stress me more and scare me. I’m scared that it is everywhere in my body. Maybe my nerves are just being sensitive-and reacting? I just wish that people would grow up and realize that this virus doesn’t just attack dirty people, poor people, promiscuous people, but people who are just like them. I think that the world needs to see the statistics of the herpes virus. I think that kids need to be aware and need to have in depth discussions on it at school.
K,
I agree with you that it is time to destigmatize herpes. Most people have no idea that herpes also causes cold sores, chicken pox and shingles. I am so proud of you for leaving an abusive man. That took a tremendous amount of courage and you should be proud of yourself for paving the way for the life you now have. It is my mission in life to educate, inspire and empower women with herpes to heal. The statistics need to be revealed. Everyday women like you and me are affected by a virus that is so unfairly judged. If you are truly passionate about breaking free of this stigma, stay tuned for the Pink Tent project we will be launching on Kickstarter. If you “like” Dr. Kelly on Facebook, I’ll keep you posted on this project. I am convinced that there will come a day when herpes is no longer associated with a stigma. Help me to make this a reality by participating in the launch of this project. Our children do need to be educated. Education is a key ingredient to change. We also need to support one another as women on this healing journey.
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr. Kelly
http://www.PinkTent.com
I contracted herpes from my first serious boyfriend when I was 18 years old. I waited until I fell in love before having sex. Looking back, I was young and naive and way too trusting. I was nervous about not using condoms, but my boyfriend convinced me it was safe, and of course I wanted to believe him. Everything was ok until I left for college and came back to visit my boyfriend a month later. Shortly after returning to school, I developed a bad case of gardnerella which took 2 rounds of treatment to cure. Then, I developed sores. I went and got tested, but in those days you could only be tested by a culture, and it was too late for a culture as my sores had already diminished. Shortly after that, I came down with viral spinal meningitis, which I learned much later can be caused by a herpes infection. While I was severely ill with the meningitis, my boyfriend broke up with me to be with someone else–the woman who had probably given him herpes. I had heard rumors that she had it, and also rumors that he was seeing her after I left, but didn’t want to believe it. In any case, I was devastated. I was seriously ill, infected with an incurable STD, dumped by the man I was foolishly in love with, who vehemently denied that I could have gotten anything from him, and I must have picked it up while sleeping around at college. He didn’t believe that he was the only one that I had ever had sex with. After I recovered from the meningitis and had my second outbreak, I returned to the doctor for another culture. I cried and cried when he told me the results, and then proceeded to lecture me on how stupid I was and how I shouldn’t be sleeping around. It was so, so humiliating. It was the absolute worst time of my life.
25 years later, I have forgiven my former boyfriend and myself for being young and ignorant, and it is a great relief. I have had “the talk” a few times, and while I have been rejected a couple of times, most often the men have been very understanding. Also, despite my best efforts to prevent infection, I have spread herpes to 2 of my former partners. That was also devastating, but I’m working on forgiving myself for that. This condition has really interfered with my ability to trust and get close to people, and I’m trying to make changes in these areas. I am very grateful to have found Dr. Kelly and this community so I can finally have support in this, as it’s been my deep, dark secret for a long time. Thank you for all for being here.
Mary,
I commend you for opening up to us. There are women out there that never feel confident enough to share their deep, dark secret, so congratulations for voicing your fears. Your story is truly heartbreaking! I can’t imagine having the complications that you did. Know that over time, you will build up enough trust to let another love you. Baby steps! Know that the Pink Tent community is here to support and uplift you during your healing journey. Forgiveness is truly a blessing you give yourself. I send you a warm embrace and a final thought of inspiration…
Just trust yourself. Then you will know how to live~Goethe
Stay tuned to PinkTent.com and “like” Dr. Kelly on Facebook for inspiration along the way.
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr. Kelly
http://www.PinkTent.com
I contracted herpes when I was a junior in college. I am now 54 years old. I have had more outbreaks in this last year than I can ever remember having in one years time period. I have been told perhaps it is the menopause factor. For me, the minute I feel it coming on I think…oh no, not again…I get a burning, skin peeled off sensation running down the front of my left thigh. It hurts so bad sometimes I take medication for that pain. Once that and the headaches start to ease the genital sores appear. Its not bad enough to have the physical pain…..the mental pain hurts just as bad. It always causes me such confusion, because I don’t feel all that stressed out. As a matter of fact this past year has been fabulous, why then all the outbreaks? I have taken pharmaceuticals, herbs, chinese acupuncture. I have greatly reduced my stress level. I feel confused, angry and often times I think the stress of the outbreak is what spurs on the next one. Seriously, I feel like I haven’t gone a month this year without an outbreak. I have had Vit C shots to try and increase my immunity.. didn’t work. I realize it is so common. I was talking with an old friend the other day. We were best friends and things fell apart. We recently became friends again. She mentioned something about her herpes. I said I never knew you had herpes….I think I feel at times that it is a dirty disease and it makes me feel yucky. Then I realize it is very common…and I relax a little. I have only had two relationships since my ex-husband gave me herpes. Both of the men loved me so much..I was so blessed. The herpes didn’t bother them at all. I am single again though. My beautiful husband passed away 7 years ago. I don’t look forward to having to tell my next partner about the herpes. I guess I feel a little shame, even though I know it was my ex-husband. I actually think more womens support groups are needed. I think this would help so much. I realize all too well that there are numerous other diseases that are much more difficult….and I never think poor me, or what a jerk my ex was….I would like to hear stories from women of success with their partners, with remedies that have worked…and just that it is okay . Thank you
Laura,
Thank you for sharing your story. From what you have shared, I do thing that the hormonal changes associated with menopause are triggering your outbreaks. Increasing your omega 3′s, the healthy fats, is paramount for you. You might want to consider a woman’s omega oil blend that you can supplement with. Barleans makes a product for women. In addition, I would consult a local healing professional that specializes in rebalancing hormones naturally. You might not be all that stressed out, but “The Change” can throw you for a loop.
The shame that you feel is all too common. This is why I am creating a woman’s wellness platform. The build out for http://www.PinkTent.com will be complete in the summer 2012…stay tuned. In addition, my book, Live, Love and Thrive With Herpes: A Holistic Guide For Women, is in the final stages of layout. This will also be a great resource for you.
Whenever you need some inspiration, come to this blog and read about how other women have learned to overcome the challenges of living with herpes. Also, “like” Dr. Kelly on Facebook and you will be in the loop of support and inspiration. Be well.
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr. Kelly
http://www.PinkTent.com
I contracted herpes about three years ago right after my 30th birthday. I was recently single, and excited about the opportunity to explore new relationships and new love. I was an attractive and educated woman, and was fully enjoying the single life. I had just recently bought a house an was very proud of myself for living independently. I had met an attractive and successful man through my realtor, who introduced us when I was looking for a mortgage. He was a private banker, and was very well spoken and an active member of the community that was well- respected. We had an instant chemistry. He had asked for my phone number and asked if he could show me around town, given I had just moved. It was clear the strong attraction we had towards each other. Almost instantly, we began a very intense and intimate affair. I was excited to have such a well-respected and successful man in my life. Given the level of immediate connection, our physical affair escalated quickly. I was always a very strong advocate of condom use– but somehow, after the first several hot and heavy days together, he slipped and didn’t put a condom on. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I became very sore after sex that day and he admitted to not putting on a condom. I was furious, but not worried of an STD– I mean, here was an educated and upstanding member of his community– I was more worried about pregnancy. However, each day after sex. I noticed I was continually sore– unlike anytime before. Within 7 days, it was unbearable. I didn’t know what was wrong with me and I was scared. I made an appointment with the first available clinician in my doctors office and went the next day. It was an older, east Asian woman doctor who examined me. I will never forget her rough and hasty diagnosis– she put me in the position of a pap smear, took a look at my genitals and said “hmm, looks like herpes. Have you ever had it before?” I couldn’t remember much else after that– the only thing I heard was HERPES. I thought my life was over. I was in shock– this couldn’t be true! It was wrong. I had to first get it cultured. I called my partner immediately as I got out the clinic. I asked him if he knew he had anything– to please be honest. He was worried and said no, he’d never had anything. He got tested and was in a long term relationship before me (his wife)– there was nobody else. He said it couldn’t be herpes. But it was. And there was nobody else I could have gotten it from. I thought my life was over– kiss the idea of marriage goodbye, of having kids goodby and oh boy was that first outbreak rough.. Hospitalized, catheterized, in pain, reaction to the meds… It was TERRIBLE.
Three years later, though, I’m happy to report that I haven’t had any outbreaks in years…. But I still struggle with the thought of having it. I recently met a wonderful man– and sharing the news with him was the hardest thing. I didn’t have the courage to tell him immediately — and unfortunately we had sex fairly early in the relationship. It was rushed, and I was devastated over it. I told him immediately after sex– worst idea ever. He went silent– then walked out the room. I sat in his bed, naked, and in shock and humiliation. I eventually got up, put on my clothes and walked out. He didn’t loom at me anymore that night– I asked him if he should take me home– he immediately says yes. We drove in silence to where I was staying. He then turned to me and told me he never wanted to talk to me again. I was devastated. I cried uncontrollable that night. I called my best friend to console me. Fast forward a bit, the next day, I was shocked to get a call from him. He asked if I’d be willing to meet him that night. I reluctantly agreed, not sure of what to expect. Surprisingly, he came to pick me up and take me to a nice dinner. He apologized for his reaction to the news but was very upset still. We are now in a relationship and are considering seriously taking the next step. Problem is this: he’s unsure what to expect, unsure of his risk, and worried about what may happen to him or our hopefully future children. We haven’t had sex again- he said he wants to wait until we are sure we want to commit to each other. We both think we may end up getting married, but my highest fears now are:
1) educating him and helping him understand what his risks are if we do make a lifetime commitment (will he get herpes? Can we have unprotected sex and still reduce risk? What will having herpes mean if he gets it? What should he expect in terms of symptoms, long term effect, etc)
2) convincing him we CAN have a healthy and active sex life (I particularly want us to be able to have sex without condoms and he’s unsure at this point whether he’d be willing to do that– again, educating him is key here)
3) getting some personal experience from other men who’ve gotten into a relationship with women who have herpes (Dr, I’d love to hear YOUR husbands reaction to the news-/ did he have it before? How’d he handle it? How’s your sex life? Does he now have it? Etc)
4) learning about childbirth if you have herpes (risk, etc) and specific steps you can take to reduce risk of transmission (what is risk anyway?)
Thanks so much in advance doctor! I look forward to hearing from you!
Angie,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It sounds as though you have an upstanding, supportive man in your life and for that I am thrilled for you. I agree with you that education is key here, so that your boyfriend can understand his risks. A book that I highly recommend, other than my own which is not available yet, is called The Truth About Herpes, by Dr. Stephen Sacks. It answers a lot of your risk questions. The first thing you must do is have your boyfriend get tested for herpes. There is a chance that even though he has never had any symptoms, which includes cold sores, that he still might be a carrier of the virus. Once you are certain of his status, then you can move forward. There are several couples who choose to have unprotected sex during times of dormancy (a time when the herpes virus essentially goes to sleep in your nervous system and you have no symptoms). This will greatly decrease his risks of contracting the virus. Personally, I told my husband before we became intimate. He accepted the risk and we moved forward in our relationship, which included unprotected sex.
It is possible to transmit the virus even when you don’t have any symptoms. This is known as asymptomatic shedding, which means the virus is active at the surface of the skin, but you might not experience the normal prodrome or outbreak. The current research shows that the virus sheds an average of 4%-13% of days of any given year. This means that in any given month, the virus will shed an average of 1-4 days. Unfortunately, much more research needs to be done on viral shedding. There can be vast differences in the results, depending on how frequent the data is collected and how accurate the measurements are. I have seen these statistics as high as 60% and as low as 1%. It is possible to decrease the asymptomatic shedding with prescription drugs, but like any prescription drug, this too poses health risk. In addition, some viral strains have become resistant to the use of current therapies.
An excerpt from my new book, Live, Love and Thrive with Herpes: A Holistic Guide For Women
Q: How do I protect my partner?
A: Even if you do not have symptoms you can still transmit the virus to your partner. According to a University of Washington study, “simply avoiding sexual contact during the active phases of infection provides enough protection for more than 95% of susceptible men and more than 81% of susceptible women per year”. 11
The best way to protect your partner is to abstain from sexual contact during any active symptoms and to use a protective barrier like a condom or oral dam. Unfortunately, a protective barrier is only as good as the area that it covers. For example, if you have herpes on the inner leg or groin, a condom would not cover the infected area. I encourage women to always urinate after sexual intercourse. This allows for a cursory, natural cleanse of sorts and helps to decrease infection and irritation from pathogens. Since we never can be certain whether or not we are shedding the virus, there always poses some level of risk for a non-infected partner.
To help decrease the transmission of the virus to your partner, you should consider using a personal lubricant that contains carrageenan . 12 Since carrageenan is a naturally occurring substance, it can never be patented. Fortunately, this will help to keep the cost down. This substance is currently being used in personal lubricants like Divine 9 and as a protective barrier on condoms. There have been studies done in mice that suggest that carrageenan is a powerful microbicide that can kill the HSV virus upon contact. This natural ingredient works by attaching itself to the outside of the HSV virus, preventing it from infecting new cells. 13
Even though no studies have been done in humans, I suggest using an edible personal lubricant that contains carrageenan. In addition to using a condom, apply this lubricant in and around the genital area to further prevent transmission.
As far as childbirth goes, you can absolutely have a normal childbirth. I did! If you would like to the first to read my new book, check back to http://www.pinktent.com in about 2 weeks. We will be launching a kickstarter campaign.
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr. Kelly
http://www.PinkTent.com
Today was the day I received my results for HSV 1 & 2 to be positive. The NP who had disclosed the information told me that according to the test, I have had it for a while. I’ve had canker sores for as long as I could remember but didn’t know what it was. In the past I’ve been concerned due to irritation. I spoke to providers about it and was told that it was nothing to worry about. Sadly, I had dabbled in some physical relationships; never to go as far as losing my “virginity”. I thought I was OK.
Though I’m torn with this knowledge, I ask God for a blessing to come out of this.
S.M,
I am sorry to hear about your results today. As it is winter now, depending on where you live, you will see several people in public with cold sores. It is oh so very common and yet most people don’t know what it is. There are several ways you can manage your symptoms naturally. I am here to help you. Soon enough I will be able to offer you my groundbreaking new book, Live, Love and Thrive with Herpes: A Holistic Guide For Women. This book is a tapestry of everything I have learned in the past 14 years and in just a few months it will be available to you. This is the book I wish someone had shared with me. I am so glad you found this website and I assure you that there is a whole community here to support you. Stay tuned and keep you head up.
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr. Kelly
PinkTent.com
It was 8 yrs ago that I was diagnosed. My daughter was 2. I lived at home with my parents and had started dating a really sweet guy a couple of years younger than me. I felt like he genuinely loved me and we talked about getting married. We had always used condoms as a method of birth control, but after the discussion of STD’s and the fact that neither of us had one… I decided to get on the pill. It was almost immediately after we stopped using condoms that I contracted the virus. I had all the textbook symptoms. I felt so sick. I confronted my boyfriend and I remember being so scared he though I had cheated on him. He acted shocked and seemed supportive at the time. I went to my family doctor, looking back I wish I hadn’t… He examined me and said there wasn’t any blisters to do a culture, so I got a blood test. During the time I was waiting to get the results of the test, my symptoms just got worse. The rash turned into lots of white sores and blisters. I was devastated. I had done enough research to know what what the cause of my symptoms were. The pain was so bad and it was the weekend so I couldn’t go back to see my family Dr., so I went downtown to a clinic for help. My boyfriend went fishing with his friends. The NP at the clinic examined me and confirmed what I already knew. A culture was also done and I was officially diagnosed with HSV2. I filled the prescription, feeling utter shame, but desperate for some relief. My boyfriend swore up and down to me that he had never had any symptoms like me… And was sure that he didn’t have it. By Monday, I got a call from a nurse at my family Dr. She told me the results were negative for HSV! Part of me felt like I woke up from the worst nightmare of my life. I told the nurse that I went to a clinic during the weekend and had a culture done. The blood test was negative because my body hadn’t developed any antibodies for the virus, thus a negative blood test. That was proof that my boyfriend gave me herpes. I made him get a blood test immediately and he had HSV2. I remember feeling so paranoid… Scared that I had possibly put my child in contact with the virus before I knew I had it, by not washing my hands thoroughly enough before I changed her diaper. I remember wishing that I had HIV, if I could guarantee that my daughter didn’t have HSV. I took my daughter to her pediatrician and in tears explained why I was there. He examined her and immediately told me not to worry and prescribed nystatin cream. Relieved doesn’t even describe how I felt. It took a month for my initial outbreak to go away. And almost immediately, another blister would pop up. I started taking Valtrex daily. And even though it suppressed the virus somewhat, I could still feel the shooting pain in my legs, and just an overall feeling of being wore down. I remember breaking down and telling my mom. She was emotionless. It was the wrong thing to do at the time because she didn’t know how to handle it. My mom was shocked and while she didn’t come out and call me a slut, there wasn’t much compassion or support given. About a month after I had told my mom, she told me that she thought I had given her HSV on her thumb by doing my laundry. She said that I had destroyed her marriage of 36 years to my dad . She was so disgusted with me. I told her that it was not possible. But she was so upset, I was almost convinced that maybe the red spot on her thumb was from me. I immediately called the family Dr. He confirmed to me and my mom that it was completely impossible to contract HSV on your thumb from handling laundry. My mom apologized, but I swear… between being scared to death of spreading this disease to my daughter then my mom. I felt like dirt. And I felt like a burdon because I couldn’t afford to move out of their house at the time. I stayed with my boyfriend for about a year. I didn’t believe he knew he had HSV. I know he loved me. He was with me when I took my daughter to her pediatrician and delt with all of the misery. But I resented him so much. He was the cause of my life being turned upside down. And eventually the relationship soured. Like most everyone, I felt like I would never be able to find a partner in life. But I found that there are websites for people with HSV who want to date. I’m 32 now and I have met many nice people on the sites, but not yet have I found my life partner. I find the majority of men on the HSV dating sites are looking for sex. I keep my profile up in case I come in contact with someone who meets my standards. HSV doesn’t control my life anymore. I’m single still… I am too scared to tell anyone. But maybe being single right now is where I need to be. My daughter is now 10 and she is the center of my life.
Nicole,
Thank you for opening up your heart on this herpes forum. I felt your pain as I was reading your story. What really stood out for me, in your story, is how many myths are out there and how much heartache is caused by these myths and misunderstandings. Your family doctor was absolutely right that there is no way that your mother could have contracted herpes from doing your laundry. Thank heavens that your doctor was able to clean up that misconception. I can’t imagine how you must have felt thinking you passed it onto your mother and possibly your daughter. Herpes, as you know now, is spread from skin to skin contact, not in the air or on inanimate objects. Your and your boyfriend’s test results definitely indicate that you probably did contract the virus from him. The one thing I must say, though, is that he may have never had or noticed any symptoms. Men in particular, often think that a herpes blister is caused by too much friction, an ingrown hair, allergies to condoms or jock itch. This is a common assumption amongst many men with herpes.
As far as dating goes, I totally understand your predicament and yet isn’t it true that most men or at least many men on dating sites are looking for sex. I have read statistics on internet dating and have discovered that relationships move a whole lot faster than they used to. The dating world has changed drastically over the last 10 years. People feel like they know you because of texting, Facebook and emailing; when they might have never even met you. On the flip side of this, the internet has also become a great resource to meet people. I have several friends who did, in fact, meet their life partners on the internet and these were GREAT men.
If your comfort level is to date on HSV dating sites, then go with that. Otherwise, my suggestion is to branch out. Don’t limit yourself. There is a big ocean of love out there, just waiting for you when you are ready. Enjoy every minute with your precious daughter, but don’t forget to also get your needs met. If that means putting some focus on dating, then do it. The right partner is out there for you! If you would like some mentoring and guidance in this area of your life, I encourage you to follow PinkTent.com in its evolution, for we will be launching some tele seminars that would be a perfect fit for you.
Much love and many blessings to you and your daughter,
Dr. Kelly
Thank you Doc. i really don’t share this to my doctor, my ob because i’m afraid of what might come out. what if i have this std? i talked to my boyfriend about it and he’s angry and always told me that he’s clean, that he doesn’t have this virus and he’s perfectly healthy. so i stopped asking him because i don’t want him to get mad at me. i also wanted to suggest that we should both be tested. but i can’t tell him because he always say he’s healthy. he also told me before that all of his past girlfriends were healthy, because some of them are nurses and nurses are all safe and healthy. how can he be sure about that if they haven’t been tested? and in my case i lost my virginity when i was still in high school and when we broke up and i went to college i never had sex with another guy, then i met my boyfriend now then that’s the last, we’re almost 2 years now until i got pregnant and start noticing some pimple like in my vaginal area and he also had this some kind of pimple in his penis so i wonder if it is just an allergy or what but why occur in the genital area? then i start researching pictures similar to this pimple like and it turned out to be a herpes. so then, i found your blog, and luckily, you replied on my message, now i’m a bit relief but not totally because i haven’t been diagnosed yet. now i have decided to undergo some test maybe a test for std to make sure i’m safe and so does our baby. thank you again Doc, i’ll be back to tell you the result.
One more myth revealed. Standard STD testing does not include herpes, unless the patient personally requests it. As a result, there are responsible people out there, getting tested for STD’s and when their results are negative, they assume they don’t have herpes. In addition, up to 90% of people who have genital herpes don’t know they have it and never report any symptoms. Doctors, nurses and other health care professionals get herpes too! I have heard many stories of healthcare professionals that were not well informed about the truths about herpes and they contracted the virus. I applaud you for facing your fears and getting tested. If you do have herpes, I promise you that you can learn to manage it and live with it peacefully.
I’m not sure from whom I contracted the virus. I have been married for 27 years. The first esipode that I can remember now that I have researched this virus, was about 7years into my marriage. My recollection was after making love with my husband he showed me an open area around the head of his penis. His explanation was that his skin brusied when he was entering my dry vagina. I believed him because we didn’t normally have foreplay before sex and in most sexual encounters I could have vaginal dryness . I can recall this open bruise happening maybe about three other times. My next recollection was a tenderness near my anus. I thought I could have scratch myself while wiping. So I never thought anything of it. Never sought any medical help. As years passed I was often plagued with “yeast infections”. The explanation I received from my doctor was that because I was a diabetic I would get yeast more often that a non diabetic. Most time my outbreaks would disguise its self as itching, tenderness, watery discharge. I either tolerated it, douch or seek the ” white cream” and use it for 7 days. Not one time did my doctor suggest anything other than a yeast infection. One time, and I do mean once I was told I had vaginitis. Recently, in early 2011, I had a raised area that had a white head, now mind you, I have been having the dreaded “yeast” all along, i went to my doctor and was told that it was an ingrown hair. At that time i asked could it be herpes. My doctor burst it and examined it under microscope and it was negative. Every time I sought medical attention for vaganial issues a culture was taken and examined under the microscope. It always came back positive for yeast. I would get the cream or the pill and the symptoms would go away. The final straw came when the same symptoms flared up this time with a raised bump, only one small pimple. This pimple never burst but it subsided. I still had tenderness.. My clitiorus was so sore I could not stand for my husband to touch me. This time I decided to go to a gynecologist. Explained all my symptoms and informed the gynecologist of the ingrown hair episode. I asked if i could I have herpes. My husband had open area years ago. Could this be herpes? The gynecologist didn’t think so. But I urged the doctor to please test me for all STD’s. I was tested for both herpes test and they both came back positive. I told my husband,he was tested and he came back negative.
His doctor only gave him the one test. I have only been sexually active with my husband since we have been married. My husband has been with others since we have been married. He has a 17 yr old kid outside if our marriage. Seventeen years ago was the time that he showed me the open area around his penis. When I had my first outbreak I didn’t put it together. I always felt my marriage was monogamous . But with the revelation of his child I knew then that it wasn’t. I want to learn coping methods and how to distinguish triggers. I was just diagnosed Jan 2012. We are still married but it’s a strained relationship. He feels I cheated on him. Which I didn’t. Herpes is a part of my life. I will live with it. Its my reality. Thanks for listening.
Sheila,
I am sorry to hear that your marriage of 27 years is being threatened by the herpes virus, amongst other things. What makes herpes the great masquerade is that it is extremely sneaky and often misdiagnosed, as you have experienced. There is definitely the possibility that your husband had what’s called a false negative test, meaning he tested negative when in fact he was positive. Unfortunately, this frequently happens.What also happens is that health care professionals don’t know enough about the virus to recommend the correct test. I hope you and your husband can get accurate information about herpes, so that it does not continue to place a wedge between you. A great resource for accurate genital herpes information is http://www.ashastd.org. I will also be launching my book, tele seminars and an educational platform in the very near future, so stay tuned to http://www.PinkTent.com. Keep your chin up and consider getting some marriage counseling. There is life after a herpes diagnosis.
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr. Kelly
I really don’t know if i herpes yet because i haven’t been diagnosed but i have this pimple like in my genital area and it really bothers me thinking if i have this some kind of a virus and the worst part is i am 3 months pregnant so i’m really worried about it. Is it still safe for me or my baby? I think of it almost everyday and i can’t sleep. I’m always afraid to go to the doctor and have me diagnosed because i’m afraid of the result. Please help me, what should i do?
Jhoana,
I know what it is like to be living in total fear of possibly passing herpes onto your unborn child. When I was first diagnosed, this was one of the things that worried me most. First and foremost, you must get tested for herpes by your doctor. 80% of neonatal herpes is caused by women who did not know it and only 2% of the population actually acquires herpes during pregnancy. Chances are if it is herpes, you had it before you got pregnant anyway. If you do have herpes, do not be alarmed. It can be managed throughout your pregnancy. The greatest risk to pregnant mammas is when they acquire herpes during their last trimester. Even so, the majority of these women give birth to babies who free of any complications of herpes. Knowledge is power and not knowing whether or not you have herpes is actually riskier than knowing, regardless of the results. So, let me get off my soap box and send you a virtual hug. The statistics are stacked in your favor for delivering a healthy baby if you are otherwise a healthy person. Even if you do have herpes, you still have the opportunity to manage it all naturally AND deliver a baby naturally without any complications of herpes. I did! I birthed my baby with our midwife in the privacy of our own home. It was the most magical moment in my life, when my husband shouted out, It’s a girl! Stay tuned as I will be launching a book on pregnancy and birthing naturally in the very near future.
Be Strong,
Dr. Kelly
I contracted herpes from my first boyfriend in 2010. This was the first relationship I have been in and it felft so good to be in love for the first time, to feel so special. Today I cant stand to her his name and what he did to me, he changed my life completely. I feel ashamed, dirty, imperfect.
He was my first, I always insist he wore a condom, until he revealed that he was allergic to the condom. I checked online and realized his ‘condition’ was common and i i agreed to have unprotected sex but not before a long discussion about his sexual history. He said he was clean, he had done several tests and they all came back negative. I trusted him so gave in to his request. The first time we went without a condom about a couple days after I realized i had a cut near the opening of my vagina, which followed by terrible migraines and a high fever that i had to go to the doctor. I didnt tell him about the cut because i thought that was from him being a little rough. Soon i became paranoid as the ‘cut’ came back and started searching for answers online which pointed me towards herpes. I was crushed. I decided to go to the doctor to be certain instead of self-diagnosing. He said it could be herpes and sent me to get a blood test done. I told my boyfriend about this and he basically shunned me, saying he doesn’t have herpes and i should not tell anyone this and it could be me that slept with someone and passed it on to him. When all i needed from him was support and to hear that he would be there for me at a time when I dying on the inside. He ended the relationship shortly after. I was so angry with him, that he did this to me and just left me but then i begun to blame myself for being so stupid. Everyday I wish I could go back in time.
For about a month i couldn’t stop crying, I didn’t have anyone to talk to. I couldn’t bring myself to telling my sister or my friends or my family. I was afraid that they would look at me differently. My boyfriend was the only one I had told. So here I am a year later, still haven’t told anyone, but I am doing a lot better, though there are days when i breakdown. I have not been in a relationship since my last one because i fear being rejected by my potential partner and I couldn’t live with myself if i pass it on to someone. I get outbreaks usually after my period, six times for the year. I still haven’t done the blood test, I just cant bring myself to. It’ll be too real then.
Kay,
Know that you are not alone. There are several women out there, screaming in silence just like yourself. This is why I have created this community for women to connect, support and inspire one another. Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. There is absolutely no reason for you to be ashamed or to feel dirty. You did everything you were supposed to including telling your partner. I am sorry that it turned out the way that it did with him. I truly believe that he was not the man for you. You want a man that you know will be there for you and you deserve to have such a man in your life. I also strongly encourage you to get tested. Knowledge is power and you need to know exactly what you are dealing with. If you do have herpes, it is not the end of the world. If I can learn how to live, love and thrive with herpes, so can you!
You might want to consider finding a support group in your area http://www.herpes.supportgroups.com. These are great resources to meet other people who are also suffering and confused. Over time, you will heal from the trauma you have been through. Since it has been a year, you might also want to find someone you can talk to. Keeping these emotions bottled up inside is not healthy.
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr. Kelly
My story is not unlike any of yours especially in the fact that I was very surprised I contracted it and very devastated about it all. I was 29 years old and was a travel nurse in Denver and getting ready to drive cross country to start an assignment in Michigan. (I had been a travel nurse for about 3 years and loved the adventure of moving around the country and making new friends!) I was working a night shift and went to work and felt horrible that night—malaise all over of achy body, headache, fever, chills. A coworker had me sleep, drink hot water, took my temperature and took my patients for the remainder of my shift. I went immediately to Planned Parenthood, my usual NP was not there. I got diagnosed by an NP that was not very kind as I burst into tears on the table. She did however tell me that just about ‘everyone’ has this. I remember going home and crying uncontrollably for hours. The only relief I had was Alleve around the clock, I started Acyclovir right away, and believe it or not, taking a can of pop from the fridge and putting it in my crotch to numb the pain. (This trick still works for me, my outbreaks are now only once or twice a year).
After I slept some, I immediately went over to his house and talked to him about it. He was very supportive and said that he would get tested. That evening I had no appetite and was seriously worried about how I would be able to drive cross country feeling this way in a few days. But I did. He called to tell me that he tested positive for HSV 2. I knew it. We were 50/50 about using condoms, as I was on oral birth control and had been for nearly 10 years at that point. He told me his STD panel was negative as was mine. After my stint in Michigan I moved back to Denver where I reside now. We actually went on to date for 3+ years after all that. We talked about it from time to time and were both comfortable in our relationship. However, within the last 6 months we have broken up mostly because of his feelings of inadequacies and guilt surrounding a number of things, the HSV being one of them.
When I first was diagnosed I was paranoid that people would find out, mostly my coworkers. I have been a Peds ICU nurse for my whole career, and while a very fun loving caring bunch I know that some can be judgmental and harsh as a coping measure for these poor kids that are sick. I remember someone saying at work that people that have STDs shouldn’t have kids, talked about HSV as being ‘dirty’ and saying flippant comments such as ‘why can’t they keep their legs closed?’ To my surprise my boyfriend never had to deal with comments like these as I am not sure men in the medical/nursing/respiratory field have such ‘big’ talks as women do around the communal stations at work. To make matters worse, I see the most extreme peds cases ever and yes, some of them are HSV positive. We have had babies on ECMO die of HSV related issues that they contracted from birth. We have had oncology patients get very ill from suppressed immune symptoms and get HSV encephalopathy and die. I still get choked up at work sometimes and have to pull from within to care for them and not break down. This part has been my hardest journey, melding my HSV positive status with my work which I had considered sacred and therapeutic.
You see, I never had sex in high school, waited until college with a monogamous boyfriend and talked openly about safer sex.I actually taught undergraduate college students a health and wellness class which included sex ed, am one of the first nurses to ask adolescent patients about their sex lives and routinely ask patient’s moms about their plans for birth control. So I am pretty open and candid about things. The reason this was so devastating to me was because I have a bachelors in nursing and a masters in public health. I am as educated as one can get. I feel like I should have known better. And while direct, I am completely compassionate and caring and do not think people should be punished for their sexual behavior. I never laughed at jokes about STD/HIV, I never judged those that led lifestyles different than mine, I never did nor do I ever think people are ‘dirty’ that are positive for anything. But I have felt very dirty, isolated, negative, depressed, gross and mostly defeated about myself. I had no idea until I became positive that HSV was not tested for in the regular battery of testing. Since I was 21, I had always had yearly exams and full STD and HIV testing done.
When my boyfriend and I stopped dating I had a very difficult time, mostly because of the HSV issue. I found that by telling some friends one on one helped them to understand why I was having such a hard time with the breakup. I shared the news with 2 of my sisters, and a few close friends. (I have yet to disclose this to my mom and am not sure if I ever will.) Usually it came up with relevance to the conversation or one of them asking advice from me about sexual habits. For 6 months I thought I would never have sex again (and since there was no sex in my relationship for 1.5 years prior to that it didn’t look promising) but recently I met a wonderful guy who took my news well. We had a long talk about it and he said it didn’t change the way he felt about me or the fact that he wanted to have sex still. I was very relieved. And now I feel like I can handle that rejection in the future well when and if it does happen.
I have been on Valtrex for the last 3 years and I like it very much. When I go off of it I get symptoms so for me, it is better to stay on it. Sure, I have resentment that I have to take medicine every day, but this way I can keep my symptoms suppressed. A dear friend of mine, who I was crying to in the parking lot about my break up and all of this shared with me that her husband was HSV positive and she married him for who he is not what virus he does or does not have. Having her share this and put things into perspective has been immensely helpful. While not religious, I am spiritual and this was a God send epiphany. No doubt. Acupuncture, regular massages, regular activity, working day shift only now and getting my zest back has been some of the best therapy. My counselor has pinpointed it all saying that I show so much compassion for my patient’s and their families that I need to show that same kind of compassion for myself. She is totally right. On most days I do, on some days I struggle with it.
Fast forward to me now at 34 years old—I still am a Peds ICU nurse, have close friends that don’t judge me, am in a masters in nursing program, go to the mountains, run my 5ks, own a home, long for a permanent companion, hope for amazing sex, travel the world, etc. I am still sensitive to others comments that are negative, see a counselor about it all, worry that I will pass it on or pass it on to future children, still wish I didn’t have it. But I do.
Elise
PS-Finding this website made me cry out of relief. An all female forum and having it lead by a strong, educated, caring individual has given me much hope in the last 24 hours! Thankyou!
Elise,
Thank you so much for sharing. I am thrilled to know that I was able to comfort you and give you hope. This is what this is all about. As women, we need to consciously connect with one another and talk about the big things in life. Much too often, conversations revolve around such superficial things as the weather and the latest updates on Dancing With The Stars. It is people like you who share from the heart that touch, move and inspire me to embrace this project and to go for it. What would the world look like if we could erase shame and feeling dirty from our minds? As Mandela taught, “Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God.” When we hide behind our shadows, we truly are a disservice to the world. Unfortunately, herpes has most people hiding out and living very isolated, lonely existences, all because of fear. Fear of being rejected, fear of what people will think, fear of transmission and the list goes on and on. Your NP was right that nearly everyone has herpes, and yet no one is talking about it. This stigma truly seemed to surface when Time magazine did a piece on herpes in 1982, labeling the front cover “The New Scarlett Letter” html”>http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1715020,00.html. Most people are ignorant to the infection and are clueless how hurtful their comments and jokes are about herpes. It wasn’t very long ago that HIV was associated with such stigma. What the HIV supporters did to begin to change the stigma is that they began to make the connection to HIV and how the people who suffer from it are our brothers, fathers, mothers and sisters. It is a disease that at this point, does not appear to be politically correct to poke fun of. My vision is for herpes to have a similar turn around in the mass consciousness of the public. Believe it or not, I too waited till college to have sex and was monogamous and in long term relationships. I beat myself up for a long time, not knowing any better about standard STD testing and its exclusion of herpes.
I could continue to write, but will spare you my rant. I hope that you will check out as a place to connect with other women in the community. I will be hosting a women’s only brunch on Feb 25th. This is a place where you can meet other women, ask questions and get supported. There will be much fun to be had, lots of laughter, good food and most importantly, a heart felt community to embrace you.
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr. Kelly
Hello everyone, my name is Flor Escudero and im from Mexico city (sorry if my english isn´t too good). I would really like to share my story because right now i feel awful. Im 20 years old and i got this disease six months ago when my friends and i decided to go on a trip across europe. It was the journey of my life, we visited 21 places in 40 days. It was exhausting but i had the time of my life.
When we were in Mykonos (Grece), my friends and i got really drunk one night and went out to party. I kissed a bunch of guys bescause i was having fun and enjoying the moment, however i didnt know you could get herpes for just a kiss! I mean, i decided not to get involved sexually with anyone in the trip because i didn´t know this guys and i didn´t want to get a sexual disease so i thought: maybe i´ll just kiss the guy and then nothing will happen. Well i was wrong, and so i got the herpes in europe, 19 years old, traveling like crazy and with no idea of what this virus was. The best experience of my life became hell in no time.
It began a week after mykonos, we were in italy and there was this huge strike in the whole country so all the trains were canceled and we lost out train to viena that day. We were told to catch the only train that was going out of italy at 3 in the morning, so we waited in the station for like 7 hours. When the train finally arrived, all the people wanted to get in because it was the only way to get out of the country so there was no room, the train was completely full so we had to get on the train and stand up for the whole journey. It was a TEN HOUR night train to viena. No food, no water, a bunch of people standing in a very small place and there began the herpes simptoms.
My defense system went down, i started to feel really bad because we hadn´t eaten in a really long time, i was feeling dizzy and extremely unconfortable. The trip was just eternal, i was with my cousin that was taking care of me, but i felt so bad at the end of the journey that i fainted. My friends tried to help me and a couple of minutes later we arrived to viena. I woke up, feeling like i was going to die, they took me to the hotel and i called the health insurance my dad bought just in case. The herpes was getting worse, i didn´t know it was so contagious so i touched it a lot and it expanded all over my mouth. I also had this painful white things inside my mouth. There were like 20 of them, i could´t speak, i couldn´t eat, i was just really scared and worried. The doctor came to see me but unfortunately he gave me a cream that didn´t work for me. The infection was getting worse and worse, and the thing was that we were only staying in each place for two days!, so every two days we had to pack everything again and travel to the next country. I called my parents and they were really worried, my mom was crying, she was really scared too. After viena we went to budapest, i felt ashamed, everyone noticed i had something in my face. I felt ugly and disgusting. I even ran into some mexican friends and they seemed really frightened, they didn´t want to say hello to me because they thought they could easily contract the disease.
I did a great effort to stand up and continue the exhausting trip because i didn´t know when i would be able to go to europe again. I had to be strong and i did my best to go everywhere because i didnt want to miss anything.
It took like 20 days to heal completely, i came back to mexico happy because i confronted herpes and i was feeling much better, but the thing is: i didn´t really know it was a disease that lasted a lifetime. When i found out about this, it hit me. I felt frustrated, infected, depressed. I still feel this way because today i got it again, after 6 months of not thinking about it that much and i realized i have to learn how to live with this. I found this video in youtube and when i saw it, i criend a river. i felt much better, i felt inspired but the best part is when i realized im not alone. sometimes you feel like you are the only person in the world that suffers, but when someone tells you: i have it too, you feel like they understand you. I really needed to write right now cause i know this is not part of the herpes story but ive been having trouble with a los of things too, my parents have no money and i had to leavy my career. I have to find a job. I broke up with my boyfriend a year ago just when my parents got divorced and well… it hasn´t been easy. Herpes doesn´t healp either. but i try to stay positive and there is one thing ive learned for sure: don´t take anything for granted. Appreciate what you have and learn to see the ordinary miracles in your life because… i may have herpes, but IM ALIVE!!. smile…, you deserve to.
I am still not sure when I contracted herpes 2….I remember going to the doctor’s and they told me about 4/5 months ago, but it didn’t hit me. I guess it really didnt hit me because since I was a little girl for whatever reason I got cold sores. I remember being young 6/7 yrs old and the older kids made fun of me, but I never knew why its then that I felt there was a stigma behind what I had at that moment.
I have only had 2 sexual partners in my life and I don’t know which one I got this virus from. It didnt hit me that I have an incurable virus until I went to my primary doctor, she confirmed it, and shared with me her own experience about having it too. But lately all i can do is cry and every morning I wake up I wish it were a bad dream I was in. I have great days ans then if I feel funny down there my spirit deflates. I feel trapped all the time and its like a scarlet letter only with a HSV2. It gave me hope that my primary doctor had it and understood what I was going through, i dont know if she was suppose to let me know her status, but I indeed felt better about myself at the moment.
I have spells about what if I had waited to have sex later in life? or why did I make a mistake of having unprotected sex without knowing the sexual history of another, but what I have learned is what to tell my younger siblings. I havent told my family, and only one other person knows what’s goiing on with me. I have moments when I want to just cry. What makes my situation even more complex is that I also have a UC a IBD, and suppose to be on meds to suppress my immune system. How do you suppose I should deal with balancing both? I believe in alternative meds and a huge fan of acupuncture, but even when I brought this subject up with my acupuncturist she was very judgmental…..if anything one thing I have learned since my new diagnosis is that you have to be strong. this diagnosis has made me realize and evaluate myself as a person. I’d wish I had known more about it period, and esp that there was a type 2.
Its very uncomfortable to deal with esp at work where I am constantly sitting, any suggestions of how to deal with the discomfort? The comfort of knowing that I am not alone because of this website is powerful. Keep up the great work Dr. Kelly I happened to stumble across you on youtube…I hope with the up coming months things will get better for me. I haven’t really found out what works for me, all I know is that I want what everyone else wants to be happy healthy and whole. I wish the same to all the other men and women who have it.
Well Wishes
C.P.
C.P.,
Thank you for submitting your story. One of the best pieces of advice I can give you is to forgive yourself for having sex when you did and for contracting the virus. There is no PERFECT time in life! We are humans and as such, we are sexual beings. This is natural and healthy. Herpes is so common, that even IF your sexual partner thought they were free of STD’s, they may not have been. Herpes is not part of a standard STD panel and unless your partner had symptoms, they may have never been tested for herpes. As a result, there are several people out there having sex and not knowing that they have herpes. Did you know that you can have herpes and not have any symptoms? This is one of the main reasons it goes undiagnosed.
Your feelings of sadness are totally normal. You might want to seek out a herpes support group in your area. I have found that these are a great place to get your feelings out in the open in a supportive environment. I am creating an online community of inspirational women with herpes that will be launched in the spring, but I encourage you to get support now. http://herpes.supportgroups.com
As far as your other health challenges, I cannot legally give you medical advice because you are not my patient. I will say, though, that I am glad to hear that you are seeking some alternative healthcare practitioners like acupuncture. There are some great guidelines in my new book, Learning To Live, Love and Thrive with herpes that should you will be receiving some time this spring when it is released. In it I will cover Forgiveness, Natural remedies for herpes, FAQ’s, Diet and Nutrition for herpes, Grieving, Alternative Medicine and The Spirituality Of Healing. I look forward to sharing this with you.
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr. Kelly
I was 18 years old and had recently had an abortion. I hated myself and felt the only way I could right the wrong I did was by becoming pregnant again. So, my journey began and I had sex over and over again trying to get pregnant. I did not know that I caused more pain to myself until the day I went to planned parenthood and was diagnosed with genital herpes in March 2010. My life has not been the same since then. I went from being a care free senior in high school to a young girl woman with a disease I always had to keeps tabs on. One year and eight months later, there are days I hate myself for even opening my legs at all. I just wonder why me. Why did I have to contract something “incurable”? I’ve heard dozens of stories of girls getting gonorrhea and other sexually transmitted infections, but never herpes. There have been times I brought up STI’s in conversations with loved ones, only to find they had lots of hurtful jokes about those with herpes. I told my mom about it and even though she loves me, she brings it up when she’s mad at me. I have some family members with the same disease, but they don’t talk to me about it at all so I deal with it in silence. I find myself very depressed and sad that I have herpes. I feel as though no one will ever love me and I will harm my unborn child. Also, I want to join the Air Force, but it seems they also have stigma’s against those with herpes. Every time I hear the word herpes or people talking about it (mostly on youtube) I burst into tears. I can’t handle feeling so shameful and nasty. My experience has been very hectic with this disease. I have had outbreaks at least twice a month. I am also infected in my mouth, anus, and vagina, so there are days I am very uncomfortable. Before even having sex, I wish I would have known all the diseases out there and their severeness’s. To a newly diagnosed woman, do not feel bad about yourself because you define who you are, not herpes. Life will move on and you will find a man/woman that will love and accept you for who you are, herpes included. Also, keep yourself healthy and fit, and take vitamins to aid your immune system. Even though there is not a man-made cure, your body will do what it has to do in order to make life enjoyable for you. Finally, make the best out of this situation and live your life the way you want to. Remember, we could have been diagnosed with HIV/AIDS instead of genital herpes.
Ashley,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I too wish that our educational system would better prepare young people to become educated about sexual health and wellbeing. I know what the shame of herpes feels like and I can honestly say that I am no longer shameful. This can take time, but know that it is possible to love 100% of who you are, regardless of your herpes status. I want you to know that your ARE LOVABLE! Embrace yourself and soon enough there will be another to fully embrace you. Healing herpes is truly an inside job. Managing symptoms is available to you once you learn more about how to reduce your stress and improve your immunity ( I will cover this in my new book).
I love how you ended your entry…on a positive note to others. Read this advice you gave to others and remember it for yourself. Also, don’t stress out about your unborn child because the chances of your baby contracting neonatal herpes is less than the chance of you being struck by lighting! Stay on your path and embrace wholeness. I look forward to sharing my new book with you about how to learn to live, love and thrive with herpes naturally. It is not available yet, but I am in the final stages of editing it. Then it is off to my graphic artist who will assist me in making it a beautiful, artistic piece that I know you will love. We are looking to release it some time in the spring. I will keep you posted. BTW…a great website to learn more about herpes us http://www.ashastd.org . I will also be creating a multimedia platform where women can connect, inspire and educate about herpes. I will keep you posted when we launch this.
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr. Kelly
I was in the middle of a 9 year marriage and one day I found a patch on the back of my thigh that was itchy and very painful. I was alarmed because there was a red line under the skin that wrapped around and up to my groin area. Since it was on the skin, I went to a dermatologist who told me it was herpes but because of it’s location, it was just like the cold sores I get on my lip and not to worry. So, I didn’t.
Every year at my annual check up, I asked to be tested for ‘everything.’ ‘Everything’ always came back negative, so of course I thought ‘everything’ was fine.
2 years ago, I attended a ‘safer sex’ workshop where the speaker mentioned that herpes can appear not only in the genital region, but on other parts of the body…even the leg. This made me sit up and take note. I got a full STD panel done at a separate testing facility right after that workshop. Much to my shock and horror, I was HSV 2 positive.
I then remembered, before I ever had an outbreak, my husband showed me a tiny spot on his groin area that had him only mildly concerned. I remember it disappeared almost as quickly as it had shown up. Neither of us ever thought much of it. To this day, I do not know if he has ever been tested.
I was involved in a relationship for a year by that point that I was tested and I was terrified to have to tell my partner about this. Fortunately, he was extremely understanding and supportive and remains so to this day. At his suggestion, we have even moved on to being condomless after he had a complete STD panel done. He educated himself on HSV and talked to his Dr about my having it and the associated risk in me passing it on to me and is fine with accepting that the risk will never be zero.
Even though my situation is a positive one, I still feel like a leper. Having started through menopause at an early age, where I had not had any outbreaks for about 5 years, now I started having them every couple of months. I went on Valacylovir for suppression. This has stopped the outbreaks completely. I recently tried to go off this medication and had an outbreak immediately. For the 1st time in 14 years, the location moved! This is scary. So, I am going to add the medication to my budget to ensure I always have it. The cost of HSV medication is extremely disheartening and I would welcome any natural remedy.
I talk to my friends in the community in which I am involved and they all assure me this is not big deal. I am honest and up front with any potential partners and so far I have had no one treat me like the leper that I feel I am.
Dear Anonymous,
Hello from Colorado! I am so glad that this message reached you all the way from Jamaica. Thank you for submitting your story. I know what you are feeling like right now and if I could, my arms would reach out to hug you. Take a deep breath and know that you are not alone. Genital herpes is extremely common. Even the Center for Disease Control (CDC) states that about 1 in 4 women have it. This number is as high as nearly 50% for African American women. This is based on people who actually got tested, imagine how many women have it and never got tested. I am glad to hear that you are open and honest in your relationship with your husband. The initial shock of it all will wear off as you both learn how to live with herpes. If your husband hasn’t already, I highly suggest that he gets a blood test to be certain that he does not already have herpes. About 80-90% of people who have herpes do not know they do. It is also not part of a standard STD test. Before you decide to get pregnant, you both should know if and what type (HSV I or 2 or both) of herpes you have. As far as getting pregnant, there is very little risk involved. In fact, neonatal herpes (herpes passed onto the baby) is 80% from mothers who acquired herpes late in pregnancy. Since you already know you have herpes, your risk has even decreased further. A study done in 2003 in Canada showed that out of 100,000 live births, there were only 5.9 cases of neonatal herpes. That is .000059%! What a low number! Know that you most likely will have a baby that is free of the herpes virus. I look forward to gifting you with a copy of my book about holistic herpes management. There is a section specifically on pregnancy and herpes.
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr. Kelly
Hi Dr. Kelly
I have been married for a year now and I have been dating my now husband for four years. He was confirmed to have genital herpes before we had met. I accepted the idea that I may contract the virus by engaging in sexual intercourse with him. I have thought that I may have been experiencing an outbreak on a few occassions over the years. I went to the doctors once before and they took a swab however that came back as a yeast infection. I felt though even after that, that at times I was experiencing an outbreak so my family doctor did prescribe me Valtrex.
I am presently 7 months pregnant and it has not yet been confirmed that I have genital herpes but just last weekend I felt that I was getting an outbreak, so I went to emergency and they performed another swab (thankfully my family doctor was on duty). He did not think that it looked like an outbreak but did the swab test anyways. I am still waiting to hear back about the results.
My question to you is if I have been with the same partner for four years who has confirmed genital herpes, what are the chances that what I experience are actual herpes outbreaks? My biggest concern is this precious child that is growing inside of me right now. I have heard that they will put you on suppressive therapy before labour to prevent transmission to baby… but what if this test comes back negative as well? Any advice you can give me would be greatly appreciated.
I also strongly appreciate your wisdom and positivity. You are a very beautiful person inside and out. Thank You.
G
Hello G,
Thank you for sharing your story. Your questions and concerns are valid. The first thing I can tell you is that since you are not sure about your test results yet, you can always err on the side of caution. What I mean by that is that I would use a condom from here on out until your baby is born to decrease the chances of you acquiring herpes during pregnancy. Since I don’t know what type of herpes your husband has (Herpes Simplex I or 2), it is hard to counsel much farther than this. I would also not engage in oral sex until after delivery. There are doctors who prescribe suppressive therapy after 36 weeks of pregnancy for women who have herpes. If you do not have herpes, I personally do not see the need to take the suppressants. Even if you DO have herpes, it does not require you to take any drugs, for it is a personal choice. I have genital herpes and wanted to have a natural childbirth. As a result, I did not take any medications during my pregnancy and was confident that I would not pass herpes onto my unborn child. Most cases of neonatal herpes are mild skin rashes. The CDC does not even consider neonatal herpes as a reportable disease, because it is so rare. The fear of transmission totally outweighs the REAL threat. Hope this helps.
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr. Kelly
In 1995 I went to Mexico with a friend and made that dumb-vacation-girl mistake of having unprotected sex and knew something was terribly wrong on the plane flying home. Went to the Dr. and my fear was confirmed: positive for the incurable HSV-2. I went into a mild depression for almost a year and really didn’t go out at all, I couldn’t stand the thought of having to tell anyone and I knew that I would ALWAYS tell because I would never do what was done to me to someone else. I felt very angry at myself for being so stupid in the first place and I felt like my dating life had been robbed from me (because I could never again just have a casual relationship develop naturally, without having to have “the talk” and when exactly was the right time? too soon and maybe I’d lose out on a great partner, too late and they’d be mad I hadn’t said something earlier? I didn’t know…). However to my surprise, I have never had a negative experience while having the talk…each partner I’ve had hasn’t really cared and was just glad I told them. Only one was a little upset that I hadn’t told him earlier, we’d went out several times and had actually went on a trip out of state when I ended up telling him. I’ve learned to believe that if someone is worth having in your life, they are not going to balk at this. I am currently married and sadly, the herpes does affect my relationship. Mostly because I am one of the unlucky ones that the disease has not improved over time…if anything it has worsened and it still affects my emotional-sexual state. Sometimes I’m fine and it doesn’t bother me much but then others I feel just like I did when I was first diagnosed, I have not found a happy co-existence. I have tried all the prescription drugs and used valtrex as a daily suppression but when I went off of it, I had the worst break out of my life! So I’m very leery to try that again. I’ve tried lots of different supplements; l-lysine, garlic, etc and nothing ever seemed to really work. I have tried smearing raw garlic on the lesions, I have applied rubbing alcohol directly to the lesions (would not recommend either of these, unless you really enjoy pain), I have tried reiki (not diligently enough, I have to admit). I think my breakouts are tied to stress but mostly there doesn’t seem to be a real cause…they just are. My breakouts are often very painful (to the point of keeping me from doing activities I enjoy because any friction is out of the question; no running, hiking, riding horse; and wearing jeans is out of the question) but sometimes just itchy and annoying. There seems to be complications with sex now as I seem to tear very easily (even with lots of lubrication) and then that takes days to heal up…doesn’t make me really want to have sex. I am very interested in getting my immune system stronger and hopefully it will be able to deal with the infection better and keep it to a manageable level. I have recently started to cut out sugar and am hopeful that will be beneficial. I am very interested to read your book and thank you for providing this forum.
To anyone who is newly diagnosed, you should know two things…it is not the end of your life (dating or otherwise), it just complicates things a bit and for the majority of people out there it DOES get better over time. Many people don’t even know they have the virus (which to me is unbelievable because my symptoms are so obvious, I wish I was one of those lucky people with such minor symptoms!) Which actually leads me to my thoughts on lessening the stigma…I strongly feel that if more people knew they had the virus that it would be less stigmatized. Most people don’t realize that when you go get “tested” for STD’s…you are NOT tested for HSV! This is something that I feel needs to be addressed and changed, how I’m not sure.
Dr. Kelly, thank you again and I am looking forward to following the progress of your project.
Dear Karen,
Thank you for sharing your story. Your story speaks to so many women and I hope that sharing was cathartic for you. I am sorry to hear that herpes continues to impact your life, especially your “emotional sexual state”. You mention that you easily tear during sex. It is possible that you have an allergy to the lubrication you are using. Consider trying some other lubes, preferably ones that are as natural. You might also want to try a lube that has carageenan in it. This ingredient is made from seaweed and research has shown that it kills herpes on contact. I agree with you that stress could definitely be contributing to your outbreaks. Stress directly effects the ability of your immune system to do its job. Meditations are a great way to decrease the overall stress in your life. Even 15 minutes a day can really make a difference. My new book will have several other ways to improve your immunity including food recommendations, supplements, herbs and several meditations. I will also cover simple exercises to help you overcome the emotional roller coaster that herpes often triggers. I look forward to sharing my book with you as soon as it is available. Some very simple things you can do to improve your immunity are to
-Sleep 8 or more hours a day
-Drink 8 or more glasses of water a day
-Eat more green veggies
-Decrease sugar and caffeine in your diet
-Meditate daily
Many blessings sent your way.
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr. Kelly
I was diagnosed with HSV1 and HSV2 in August 2008. I have been having symptoms of burning, tingling, itching with no physical sores on my genitals for a year prior to that. I visited several doctors and had many std tests done but they were always negative. A NP once told me that I had an external yeast infection on my vulva and maybe that’s what’s causing my itching. Although, yeast, bv and other std tests always came back negative, I never knew that I was never tested for Herpes. So, one day after doctor number 5 or so, I insisted to get a blood test for herpes since I did not have any visible sores. As I thought, test came back positive. Believe me, I was soooo devastated. I thought my whole world was over. I felt ashamed, embarrassed, dirty, worthless…just absolutely horrible. I was only 26 with a herpes diagnoses. At that time, I was engaged to be married. The thought of me having a baby and passing it on to him or her crossed my mind. That literally killed me.
Let’s fast forward to now. I am married and my husband does not have any signs of genital herpes. He never got tested and didn’t feel the need too. However, he does have oral herpes. I do believe I contracted genital herpes from a prior relationship because I have been dealing with vaginal itching before meeting my husband, but always misdiagnosed as external yeast infections (even the creams prescribed for the yeast never worked). I gave birth to a healthy baby girl vaginally last year. I do still get “outbreaks” during or after my period. I take valtrex during these times. Each day is challenging. Some days I don’t think about herpes but when I get symptoms, take valtrex, hear a mean comment on the television or hear a herpes joke from a friend, I relive the whole negative feeling all over again about having herpes.
On top of it all, my gyn believes I may have vulvodynia. I really don’t know if this is related to my herpes; it may very well be. So, I am dealing with alot. Haven’t had much of a sex life lately because Im always in pain. OUCH!!! Living with chronic pain is awful.
There is definitely life with herpes. I just want to learn how to deal with symptoms better especially during my menstrual cycle. The less I have to think about herpes, the better. I definitely would like to know how to manage this virus naturally. I believe the body has the power to heal itself.
Thank you Dr.Kelly for a wonderful forum. Also, thanks for being honest and candid. We all appreciate it.
Hello Sue,
Thank you for sharing your story. I would like to commend you for your courage in sharing your personal journey with us. It is so important for other women to know that there are partners out there that will love us whole heartedly, despite our herpes diagnosis. I am thrilled to hear that you gave birth to a healthy baby girl vaginally this last year. Becoming a mother is one of the most rewarding things one can do. My guess is that our girls are about the same age. Madeline just took her first steps this week. It was thrilling!
Your story of misdiagnosis mirrors so many others that I have heard. I too was misdiagnosed with HSV I on my face and it wasn’t until I insisted on being swabbed, years later, that I got the correct diagnosis. Misdiagnosis and lack of testing are two challenges that many people face.
I am sorry to hear about your vulvodynia and herpes. If you are open to meditations and affirmations, check our Louise Hay’s book, You Can Heal Your Life. Sometimes our health challenges are related to self limiting beliefs about ourselves and our bodies. I think that all women, including myself, can learn how to better love ourselves unconditionally. Whether it is herpes or a couple extra pounds we might carry, we have to learn how to love all of who we are. Affirmations and meditations are great ways to help us with this process.
In these next few months, I will be launching my new book, which will teach women how to manage their herpes symptoms naturally. This book will be my gift to you for being brave enough to share your story and to ask for help. Like “Dr. Kelly” on Facebook and you will be able to follow the progress of the project. I look forward to sharing this journey with you.
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr. Kelly
After 6 years of celibacy, determined to wait until I get married before having intercourse again, I had sex with my children’s father. I knew he didn’t love me but I used him as a way to relieve stress. After having sex with him I started having flew like symptoms and inflammation around my genitals. The doctors diagnosed me with herpes. I rarely have bumps but I suspect I may have shedding because of a light tinkling and burning sensation. My ex denies having herpese and giving it to me. He has had multiple sex partners since my diagnoses and moved on with his life. I can’t see myself ever telling a man I have this disease & expecting him to say, ” I love you enough to have it too”. Even though the Dr. say this disease is very common it doesn’t make me feel any better about taking the chance of telling a potential marriage partner. If I should get rejected I risk the chance of this person telling every one that I have this disease. I’m African American and when it comes to things like STD’s we can be very judgmental and say harsh things. I can’t imagine me telling a black man something like this. It’s been about 7 yrs since my diagnoses. I’ve been doing my best to stay away from foods that will cause inflammation. I mostly experience symptoms before, during or after my period. I need all the support and education about this STD that I can get right now.
Dear M.G.,
Thank you so much for submitting your story. My heart goes out to you. Your fears and concerns about sharing your story to a potential partner are common. Did you know that the Center for Disease Control (CDC) did a study in 2009 and discovered that 48% of African American women have genital herpes? Check out the statistics at http://www.cdc.gov/std/Herpes/herpes-NHANES-2010.htm so that you can see that you are truly not alone! I want you to be OPEN to a man accepting your love with open arms. You ARE deserving of love and you are not hanging around with the right type of men if you think they would betray you or make fun of you. You also mention that you notice your symptoms re appear around your period. You might consider seeking out an acupuncturist or herbalist who might be able to evaluate your hormones. Symptoms around your period suggest that you might have some hormonal imbalances that are contributing to your outbreaks. I hope this helps.
Live. Love. Thrive.
Dr. Kelly
I got it in a public hot tub in Boulder in about 1982. Oh boy, I was so angry and in dis-belief. It’s been so confronting to have to tell a man who I’m considering being intimate with that I have it. Fortunately, no one has freaked out about it and I have not given it to anyone. I suggest to anyone who has recently been diagnosed to get all the healing information you can, as well as preventive and fell empowered and less victimed. Over the years there have been fewer out-breaks and often I can get them to regress with food and supplements and Young Living essential oils. It’s hard to say exactly what has worked but I know that when I feel one coming on I abstain from sexual activity ’cause that will surely have it happen. My diet is usually pretty clean but I eat more eggs, cheese, kefir, avocado, and lysine when an out-break is looming. Too many seeds and nuts and figs are very dangerous, for me anyway. The essential oils of Melrose, Thieves and Purification and increased minerals will generally speed the healing – topically and internally. I wish I had known to stay out of hot-tubs!! At this point I have pretty much made peace with it.
I’m 28 years old and contracted Herpes when I was 21. I had only been with 2 people when I made the biggest mistake of my life. My boyfriend had been cheating on me and finally decided to break up with me. I stupidly decided to seek revenge and sleep with his best friend. This was something that was totally out of the norm for me, but anger got the best of me. I take full responsability for what has happened to me. We used protection but sure enough 2 weeks to the day I had my first outbreak. By this time my ex realized he made a huge mistake and we had gotten back together. He was understanding and felt guilty himself for starting all the drama. The first outbreak was very bad I was horribly sick for 2 weeks. It felt like I had the worst flu I had ever had. We are now engaged but I still deal with the guilt of my one drunk mistake. I know this too shall pass but it doesnt help the shame I feel everytime I have an outbreak.
I am 30 and just diagnosed with herpes. My bf and I just moved in together. With running around and getting utilities, school and everything else set up, I was under considerable stress. I was tested 6 months ago for herpes and it came back negative. He was also checked for STD but not sure if for herpes. Ugh. 5 days ago We had sex. I felt some pain and i felt a bump there. I ignored it becAuse I shave and thought it was an ingrown hair. Later the next day I felt like I pulled my groin muscle. It hurt to sit or stand quickly. The next day the sore really began to burn and hurt like rubbed raw from sex. The next day I had several blisters and that night I couldn’t sleep well because of the itching. I tried so hard not to scratch but I would do it anyway in my sleep and instantly wake up from the burning pain from the open sores. It hurt so bad To pee. I cried and immediately jumped into the shower to cool it down. No matter what I have done to sooth the pain it kept/keeps getting worse. I finally passed out from exaustion last night. Nothing I have done before is helping today. It HURTS. So painful I just want to pass out till it’s over. I went to the dr and she said it was herpes. She gave acoloVair, whatever that doesn’t help the pan and symptoms keep coming. She also gave me some benzocaine to wash in the tub like a sit bath. It burns!!! I hope it’s doing it’s job. Anyway. I have been having the flu symptoms for a few days too. Double wammy. This sucks!!!!
I never thought this would happen to me. In high school I was the “good girl” very preppy and always associated STD’s with dirty people who didn’t care about themselves.But after this experience my whole outlook has changed! It can happen to anyone! When I first felt the bumps near my vagina I thought my life was over.But this website has been very helpful,I thought I was alone but now I know I’m not.I just wish I could talk to someone in person about this, who knows maybe one of your friends has Herpes and is keeping the same secret you are.I haven’t been checked yet, but I’m positive it is Herpes, I’m scared to go get checked but after reading everyones stories, I know this isn’t the end of the world.Over the past few days I thought to myself I would rather have cancer or even the thought of death sounds like a better way to deal with this disease, but why should death be better than a simple virus.. Everything is going to be ok, Just keep ur head up even tho it hurts really bad!
I met a guy whom I was friends with for about 2 years before we decided to start dating. He told me he had only had 1 sexual partner which was his ex ,whom he was with for 4 years. I believed him. I was a virgin when him and I met, he was my first. One day he suggested that we had uprotected sex , and so we did … and then it happened often. A few months later we broke up . 1 morning , and 8 months after breaking up with him, I woke up and noticed a “bump” on my lip. I knew what it was but I was hoping it wasn’t , I ran to the pharmacy down the street from my house and purchased abreva , which treats cold sores. I then went home and called my doctor, I went in that same day and she confirmed to me what I had. She gave me some medication , which I never took. I missed that whole week of school because I felt ashamed. I still have a hard time accepting the fact that I have it & still havent told anyone :[ life goes on though. thanks for the stories, they make me feel alot better .
I found out that I have GH 3 months ago, because I was experiencing intense symptoms. I called my doctor as soon as I thought it was Herpes, and sure enough I was right. I fought back tears, collected myself, and decided right there that this would not define me as a person. I had confided in my best friend about it, and it really helped to talk to someone who loves me unconditionally. I also called the guy I am seeing that same day. We had only been casually, but exclusively, “dating” for almost 2 months when this came up. He did not know that he was asymptomatically carrying it and had given it to me. We are still together, I am living a happy and healthy life, and I have learned so much about myself. No matter how awful you feel about it at first, you are not defined by herpes. I am 22, and this has been the best motivation to love my body and myself. My lifestyle has done a complete 180 for the better. I promise to live my life as beautifully as possible. Challenge accepted, herpes
Can’t wait to read Dr. Kelly’s book !!
I contracted herpes through my best friend. We had been friends for two years, but lost touch, and then we reconnected. I trusted him explicitly. I asked him if he had any kind of STD. He told me ‘no’ and I left it at that because I was naive and again, I trusted him. I felt I had no reason not to. I irresponsibly had sex with him throughout our new relationship without condoms. My relationship with him was the most fulfilling of any I had ever experienced. I was never happier.
Last Thanksgiving, I was going to meet his family for the first time. That morning, before the drive, I noticed I was kind of sore down there. I didn’t think anything of it. About an hour into the drive, I wished I hadn’t worn jeans. It was burning, so I thought it was a yeast infection. I got some clotrimazole and I thought that would be it. Wrong! The car ride was agony for me. I spent five minutes meeting his family and then I made my excuses, saying I was exhausted from work.
I went to the bathroom and I got right up on the sink to see if I could see anything in the mirror. I looked and I saw little white things. I almost stopped breathing. I knew I had tested positive for nothing and I had been faithful. I had no explanation but I knew something was wrong. He came to check on me after settling in with his family. I tearfully told him something was wrong and that I had never cheated on him. I was so worried that he would think I had done something wrong. He asked to see what was wrong and I showed him. He turned away from me. I was deeply hurt by that and I asked him to please talk to me. Honestly, I wanted him to tell me nothing was the matter; I wanted him to explain it away. He still wouldn’t look at me, so I re-iterated (kind of desperately) that I had never cheated on him. I was standing up now trying to get him to look at me. He still wouldn’t look at me. Instead, he whispered his nickname for me and said, “I have something to tell you.” That was it for me. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t even stand up. I fell right to the floor. I couldn’t move; I couldn’t speak. I was completely numb. I couldn’t believe that he just confirmed my worse fears, that he had lied to me, that he had betrayed me.
He told me that his ex-wife had herpes and he caught it from her. She never told him, he found out while he was deployed. He said that he was scared to tell me and that is why he never did. After I got over my shock, I couldn’t even be mad. All I could think about was that I was going to be better than him. I told him I would never do what he did to me by not telling me. I said I would never take a decision like that away from someone I respected, loved or liked. I did not get mad. To make a long story short, I forgave him right there, telling myself that I was being the better person by not losing control.
That night, I couldn’t sleep at all. He never told his family, so they all thought I had a bad attitude. My son was there driving them up the wall. He didn’t understand why I was in bed, not paying attention to him.
The next morning, before anyone woke up, I had him take me the doctor because I thought I was going to die. It just happened to be Thanksgiving, so the only place I could go was the emergency room. I was humiliated. I wanted to hurt him, but I just kept going over how much better I was by forgiving him and vowing to never be such a jerk to a sexual partner. Having to go to the pharmacist was the worst for me. I had to wait there while he filled the prescription and I knew that he knew why I was getting acyclovir. Up until then, I had never dealt with anything like this. I was looking at all of the Christmas ornaments they had at the drug store and I was so sad. I knew my life would never be the same. Deep down, I knew it was my own fault for not insisting on protection regardless of whether or not I trusted him. I just didn’t want that kind of reality at that time. I just wanted to blame anyone but myself.
We got the medicine and went back to his family’s place. Everyone was still sleeping, so I spent all of Thanksgiving racked out on Percocet. They still just thought I was spoiled. He didn’t offer any kind of explanation other than that I was sick. That night, he came in to tell me that the family wanted me and my son to leave. They were having a hell of a time controlling him and well, you can imagine what else they said. As soon as he told me that, the effects of the Percocet weakened (at least in my head) and I left with my son. He offered to drive us home. I agreed. We got home a few hours later and then he got up and went back to his family.
I spent the rest of that weekend in my bed, crying to my mother. I was so thankful I saved my Perrier bottle from pregnancy because it was the only way I could handle using the bathroom. My mother wanted to kill him and she could not understand why I forgave him and stayed with him. I ended up staying with him for six more months before it really dawned on me how much I did not deserve that.
I understood my blame in the whole situation. It was a hard lesson but I am now my first line of defense. Telling him to leave and realizing just how much I am worth was one of the hardest things I have ever done. He did not understand at all — he kept saying things like “it’s happened now so just move on,” and I truly feel bad because he will probably do it to someone else. I just hope they are not as naive as I was.
I have had two sexual partners since him and both knew from the very start that I have herpes. I went through all of the information I had on it, answered their questions, and it was not uncomfortable at all for me. It made me wonder why he was “scared” about telling me. I am not ashamed about having it, and someday I would like to publish a small story about it. I want females to know that, no matter how young or old they are, or how inexperienced or experienced they are, they should stand up for themselves.
This can happen to anyone. Young – old. Rich or poor. Skank or choir girl. My Moms friend just got divorced and dated one guy. She now has type 2. If your sexually active, beware.
I was nervous about going to the doctor, but I wanted to find out what was causing this itching and burning in my groin area. I knew something just wasn’t right when the itching and burning would go away and then come back again. I basically blew it off for a while, hoping that it would go away for good. But the last time it came back, I also noticed a small sore on my penis. That really scared me, so I made an appointment with my doctor.
My doctor asked a lot of questions about my symptoms, how often they occurred, and my sexual history. It was very hard to talk to him at first and really embarrassing. But I knew he wanted to help me and I wanted to treat these symptoms, so I tried to be open with him.
My doctor performed a physical examination, but by then I no longer had any symptoms. From what I told him, he thought I might have genital herpes, so he performed a blood test that was sent to a laboratory to be tested.
Waiting for the results seemed to take forever, even though it was only about a week, and I was really nervous and distracted during that time. I couldn’t concentrate on anything and kept thinking: what if I have genital herpes? How would it affect my life?
My doctor called me and told me that the results came back positive—I had genital herpes. I was in shock for a little while. I tried to ignore it and pretend that I didn’t have genital herpes, but then I had another outbreak. This time I had a bigger sore on my penis that was really painful. How could this happen.? I have tried drugs but am now looking for a more natural treatment. I know my best defense is a strong immune system.
I am 22 years old and I have herpes. $#@!
I will begin by describing myself as a down to earth women filled with humbleness humility and a passion to help people. Despite of all my genuineness and my good heart I am now living with the HSV-2 Virus. As shockingly as it was for me to accept it, I’m living with Herpes.
I believe the flaws in my relationships was not knowing how to choose a good man, and believing that the man I was faithful too was faithful to me. Four years ago I met a man and lived a 2 yr relationship with him. Come to find out he was not the man he pretended to be an was cheating on me and gave me Chlamydia. It was the end of my world and I left him.
I found a new partner and as well gave him 2 years of my life. As all relationships we had our ups and downs and our differences and immaturities affected our love and respect for each other. Despite the downs I remain monogamous and true to our relationship. On the other hand he made a mistake and cheated on me. This occurred in November of 2006.
I immediately went to my doctor and got checked for all STDS. I was negative for all Sexually Transmitted Infections, but the doctor stated she couldn’t check me for Herpes since I showed no symptoms. I left the doctors office relieved and trustworthy. After two long term relationships I was adamant to still keep searching for that one man to prove to me that he was different.
Months later I found that man and fell for his kindness, love, and respect toward me. In January I started my internship at a non-profit organization working as a HIV Prevention Specialist. Upon working here I became certified to perform HIV testing, I became knowledgeable about all Sexually Transmitted Infections.
In June 29, 2007 I was due for my physical and decided to get all types of blood work done. To my surprise my blood test came back positive for HSV-2 stating I was positive for Herpes. I was in denial. My life crashed down that week. I was depressed for days without going to work, eating, or wanting any social contact. My mind was confused as to who gave me this virus. Was it my new partner, my ex partner, my partner from 4 yrs ago. I have never had any symptoms and I felt healthy.
I immediately contacted my ex partner and my new partner. They needed to get tested and be aware of this virus I was positive for. My new partner of 4 months and his ex partner of years both came back Negative. I was shocked since me and my new partners have practiced un protective sex for almost 4 months. My ex partner was in denial and hasn’t been tested yet. I decided to take a second test to confirm my results. Recently in July 25, 2007 my results once again were positive. There were no more doubts in my mind I was living with Herpes.
The doctor stated I was asymptomatic, meaning I do have the virus but I show no signs or symptoms. I will never know who gave me this virus or for how long I have been living with it. This is how these viruses and sexually transmitted infections work. From unprotected sex and from one partner to another. I am glad I wasn’t infected with HIV since my results were negative.
I choose to share my story to show that even if you are in a monogamous relationship, your partner might not be. My mistake was to put my life and trust in these men whom I thought could be trusted. My new partner is Negative for Herpes until now; maybe the test was taken too early to detect any HSV antibodies. He has chosen to stay by my side and has asked me to marry him despite all.
I simply ask the Lord for Courage to be able to live a normal life, which I know I can, and the courage to accept any outbreaks as they might come. I plan to start taking Valtrex to protect my partner and we are now using protection. Being infected with Herpes doesn’t end my life it simply joins it.
Hope After Herpes
I found out I had genital herpes 6 years ago. I had just accepted my boyfriend’s marriage proposal one month before. I was devastated. I argued with the doctor. I refused to believe that I had herpes. I left the office, hysterically, in tears. After sitting in my car for about an hour, I went to the pharmacy to fill the Valtrex prescription. The pharmacists looked at my red, puffy eyes, and said “Everything will be okay.” I decided immediately to tell my fiancé. The last time I was sexually active with another man had been about a year and a half before. I wasn’t sure if I had contracted the disease from my previous partner or my fiancé. While having sex, a few days earlier, we both noticed a small cluster of bumps on my buttocks. I had a slightly tingly and itchy feeling in this area for a few days. After I explained to him what the doctor said, we hugged each other.
We have been married 5 years and we have a 3 year old son. I had a problem free vaginal birth. With a few extra precautions, everything has been okay! I was able to work through the emotions associated with this diagnosis by reading, researching, and learning more about the disease. I am not sure from whom I contracted genital herpes. To this day, my husband has shown no sign of symptoms. But, I know from experience that there is life after genital herpes!
Beginning to Feel Confident with Myself Again
I am 18 years old and 4 months ago (one week before my 18th b-day) I had noticed some sores in my genital area. I scheduled an appt. with my gynecologist and right after looking at them she knew what was wrong with me. She told me that I had genital herpes. I couldn’t understand what she was saying. I was thinking she had to be wrong, this couldn’t happen to me. She told me she was sure that’s what I have and I was hysterical. I would have rather been dead. I thought that anyone that I told would back away from me and not want to come near me. I felt so disgusted and ashamed of myself I could hardly stand to look in the mirror. I didn’t know what to do, I needed someone to lean on and help me through this but I was so ashamed of myself.
I called my step mom crying hysterically and she came to pick me up at the doctor’s office. I could hardly tell her what I found out. Just saying the words ‘genital herpes’ was too hard to do. She was very sympathetic towards me but I didn’t understand, her and the doctor were both telling me it wasn’t the end of the world but in my eyes it was! How could anyone say everything would be OK and I would get through it? I couldn’t even grasp the concept of having a normal life ever again.
Since that day I have researched it a lot and I have come to terms with it. I know now that it’s not the end of the world and I can and am living a normal life. It has only been 4 months since I was diagnosed but I am already OK with it. There are times when I still get very upset over it but overall I have regained my self-confidence. I can hold my head up high again and be proud of who I am. I still wonder “Why me?” and I wonder also who gave it to me and when exactly I got it but I understand those are questions that I will never have answered. All I know is I have it and I have to take care of myself and be sure not to spread this on to others.
I have not had an outbreak since the first one 4 months ago and all I can do is take care of myself in hopes of reducing a recurrence. I will not give this to anyone because I know what it feels like. Someone I trusted and felt close to was careless and didn’t worry or care about passing this on to me so all I can do is make sure I do my best not to pass it on to anyone else. I hope my words and experience with this can help others learn to be OK with themselves after being diagnosed with this. Life does go on and you can be happy!!!
“I came to terms with it . . .”
I was diagnosed one year ago at the age of 19. It was a complete shock. I had only been sexually active with one person in a monogomous relationship. My boyfried was unaware that having had past cold sores on his mouth could lead to me contracting herpes. He hadn’t had a cold sore in years and we believe I got it through oral sex.
It was very difficult to understand but with the support of my boyfriend and through educating myself about it, I came to terms with it. Trust me, for months afterwards it was always on my mind and I noticed people’s comments about STDs a lot more. People do not understand that its neither funny nor cool to joke about herpes or any other STD. It can happen to anyone; we are all at risk. I firmly believe now that sex is NEVER safe- it is a risk and it is one that should be assessed maturely before committing yourself to it.
Now one year later, I recently became sexually active with another guy. I was terrified about telling him. I believed he would run away and never speak to me again. I could barely get the words out but as soon as I began speaking all my tension went away as I realized he was not scared, nor was he looking at me any differently. He told me he likes me for me and that I should not worry about it. He told me he was very glad I told him about it. I couldn’t have asked for a better response. We have had sex together and so far he has no symptoms. We also went to the doctor separately to have some other STD tests taken.
It is everyone’s responsibility to discuss these issues. Having herpes or hpv or syphilis does not change who you are. It can be managed and no matter what, do not think that future relationships will be destroyed. If someone cares about you a lot, they will do what they can to be with you. I have had 2 outbreaks after my initial outbreak since then. I believe I am experiencing my second currently. Its not as severe as the first one. I have valtrex but I am trying to treat this on my own to understand how long a recurring outbreak is and how severe. I am also going to be taking lysine supplementes this week to see if that speeds up the process. I hope my story helps. I’ve come a long way since my initial diagnosis and I know that you will too. I wish you luck and self-love and encourage you to take control over your sex life- no matter how “safe” you believe you are. Good luck and remember, you are neither the first nor the last to be diagnosed with herpes. You will feel better, I promise.